“Can you help me pack up some of Joey’s things? I just thought maybe it’d help if I do something productive.” My hand trembles at the thought of clearing out Joey’s stuff but it is only things and things will never replace his memory.
Chapter 4
Natalie
Two months later...
“I mean look at her,” Lewis says bumping his shoulder against mine. “She is just so...”
“Sad,” I finish for him.
Audrey is on stage her head is hanging from the floor upside down as she belts out Bohemian Rhapsody, “Nothing...matters.” Last month was her and Joe’s moving in together anniversary. She had been doing somewhat okay. At least I thought she was. I’ve been so busy with the business, I haven’t been as good of a friend as she’s needed me to be. It’s been hard handling most the workload myself, as far as the daily ins and outs of running the bar. I’m doing twice the work. It was easier when Joe was here. He did the books. Now it all falls on my shoulders. I’m exhausted. Lewis is a huge help, but things aren’t the same.
She begins to howl like a dying cat and then screams, “Eat me all of you, you’re all zombies.” Then she drops the Mic and passes out. Lovely.
“You know I love our girl, but she’s hurting the business. She is running off what little customers we get out the door.” He motions dramatically to the group shaking their heads as they walk out the door.
“I know, but it’s only been a few months. There isn’t a time limit on grief.” I wish I could help her. We all miss him, but it’s different for us. He was planning to propose the day he died, and I just had to open my mouth for Audrey to hear. I had to open my mouth, and start a fight with my brother, and he had to go and get killed. I hate him so much for putting that on my shoulders. I mean, I know he didn’t knowingly walk into the street knowing he was going to die, but it’s easier to be angry with him. He isn’t here to tell me I’m wrong.
“I just want things back the way they were you know,” Lewis says squeezing my shoulder. “I’ll get her upstairs.”
I grab his hand. “I don’t know what we’d do without you.”
“Look like that,” he says with a chuckle, pointing to Audrey.
I watch Lewis and Freddie try to pick her up. Audrey breaks my heart. Her head lolls to the side as Lewis cradles her in his embrace like a child. Freddie walks ahead of him opening the doors for him. It’s a familiar sight. We go through this routine a few nights a week.
Some days are better than others. She seems to do better when Ma is here, but I think it is only because Ma scares her. She doesn’t take any shit and won’t put up with Audrey’s shenanigans and pity parties. She puts Audrey in her place, but she also calls to check on her often. I think Ma cares for Audrey more than she likes to admit.
They have a love/hate relationship, like most mothers and daughters. I think Audrey has grown to count on her too. She doesn’t have any family here, but us.
“Sasha, go ahead and start closing out your drawer. Freddie can help you lock up tonight.”
She nods, and I go into the office to call Ma.
“Hey Ma, you heard from Nate yet?”
Nate is short for Nathan, but no one calls him that. My other brother, my twin, is due home any minute now. I am picking him up from the train station whenever he gets in. His phone kept cutting out and I didn’t catch his arrival time. I have missed him so damn much. He wasn’t able to make it home for the funeral. I know it hurt him to not be here. He needed to stay where he was though.
“Yeah, he should be getting in around 10 AM. You sure you want to pick him up. Dad and me are anxious to wrap our arms around him. It’s been too long.”
“Yeah, I want to talk to him about Joe JR and things first. Twin stuff.” I smile faintly. Nate is my other half. Part of me has been missing since he enlisted.
“Okay, drive safe and come straight here after your talk.”
“Love you, Ma.”
“Love you too, baby girl. How’s Audrey?”
“The same, worse. I don’t know, Ma—I worry about her. She loved Joe JR so much. I wish...”
“I know you do,” she cuts me off. “Can’t go back. We can only move forward. Now I know she’s your friend and I know I haven’t been Audrey’s biggest fan. I know she’s hurting, but I don’t want her ruining Nate’s coming home party,” she gripes. “She needs to get her shit together.”
“Yeah, Ma. I know. I’ll handle it.”
I groan after we hang up. No one can handle Audrey. She’s a free spirit, who loves hard and hurts deep. We all hurt, we all miss Joe and wish he were here, but no one more so than Audrey.
I am afraid of what seeing Nate will do to her. He’s my twin, but him and Joe looked so much alike. More than we ever did. I’ll prepare her for seeing him in the morning. She’s seen pictures but seeing him in person is something else.