“Yeah. Dessert,” he repeats me, but I know cake is the last thing on his mind with the way he is staring at me. “I really like your dress. You look good in green It matches your eyes.” He cuts two squares and plates them.
“Thank you.” I take a bite of cake, stuffing my mouth full.
“Wanna watch a movie?” He nods his head toward the living room.
“Sure,” I mumble swallowing my bite. “This cake is really dry.” I refill my wine and carry the glass with me.
When we sit, he sits next to me, his knee touching mine. I don’t know what it is but pure happiness washes over me and I can’t stop gazing over at Calder and smiling.
“This is good,” he tells me after eating half of his piece.
“Weren’t we going to watch something?” I hedge, trying to get my mind out of the gutter because right now I really want to toss both our plates aside and kiss him madly.
He places his plate and mine on the coffee table. “Yeah but I’d rather do this,” he whispers, leaning in close. His thumb brushes some icing away from the corner of my lip and he licks it off his thick digit.
“Lick icing off your fingers,” I flirt in a sultry tone I have never heard myself use before.
“No.” His mouth connects with mine. His lips soft, tasting of chocolate and beer. My mouth parts and my tongue seeks out his. Calder cups my face between his hands and flames shoot up my spine as warmth pools in my belly. Maybe it’s the wine or maybe it is simply him but, in this moment, I feel like I am floating. Our kiss is brutally intense, and I am struggling to breathe. He gives me butterflies. He makes me feel things I was beginning to believe might be lost to me forever. “God, you’re so sexy and I can’t stop kissing you.” Crashing his mouth down on mine once more he takes charge and I allow him to. One hand is resting on my thigh while the other squeezes my breast. I wrap my arms around his neck loving his scent and the way he is making me feel.
I need this. To feel wanted. To be desired by a good man like him, but I can’t stop thinking about Chris and feeling guilty when really, I shouldn’t. The dude was awful to me. Downright terrible. Truthfully, he got what he deserved but what about Calder. He seems so sweet. He deserves something better than me. A girl on the run who may have killed her boyfriend and stolen (accidentally I might add) a shit ton of money and drugs from a bad guy like Flip. A guy so bad he had no problem beating me so severely that I had a miscarriage.
“Wait.” I pull back. “Maybe we should slow down.”
“If that’s what you want.” Hot and sticky his breath clings to me as he talks between peppering kisses along my jaw. It’s not what I want but it would probably be for the best. “Tell me to stop.” His teeth nip at my ear and the words are on the tip of my tongue, but I let out a moan instead. “Because if you don’t, I may break out my cuffs and keep you here all night, doing all the dirty things that raced through my mind when I first saw you tonight in this dress.”
“Calder,” I say his name ready to tell him to stop but I don’t. My pulse is racing, I like Calder. I really do but it’s as if Chris is popping into my head on purpose trying to sabotage me. I keep thinking about how he looked laying in the floor. Unmoving. So…lifeless and here I am with some new guy I hardly know having a great time. I feel guilty, but don’t I deserve a good guy? “Don’t stop.” My voice comes out unsure and he ceases kissing me.
“What’s wrong?”
“I’m sorry. I thought I was ready but I’m not. It’s too soon after my breakup. I just. I gotta go.” I pop up from the couch, leaving a bewildered Calder behind as I run out. When I get inside my apartment and the door shuts behind me, I sink down to the floor, holding my head in my hands.
I don’t know what I’m doing or why I just walked out like I did but it’s probably better that I don’t get involved with anyone. Who knows when something might happen or when I will have to pick up and leave? This is only meant to be temporary. I should be able to have casual sex, but I can’t because deep down I know Calder isn’t the kind of guy you have a one-night stand with. And I know that I really don’t know him well enough to make that judgment call, but I have this feeling about him.
That’s why I need to do this and put distance between us. If I don’t, I will only hurt him. That seems to be what I am good at. Hurting people whom I care about.
Chapter 5
Calder
For the past two weeks Maggie has been avoiding me. She waits until I leave or slips out before I rise in the mornings. I don’t know what I did. Things were going well until they weren’t. I can’t get her out of my head. I think about her all the time. Maggie won’t even look me in the eye. Whenever I go into the diner, she sends Kathy, a woman old enough to be my mother to wait on me.
I have a feeling there is more going on with her than meets the eyes. I just don’t know what…yet. She can’t avoid me forever. Not in a town as small as Crimson Cove. I’ve tried doing it myself with Roger and Carly. With him being a member of the volunteer fire department, our paths are bound to cross like today when a middle schooler set a trash can on fire in the bathroom. He tried to talk to me, but I have nothing to say to the guy outside of us doing our jobs. Sure, I wish him well and never want anything bad to happen to him but that is as far as it will ever go. I can never go back to being his friend again. At first, I thought it was just about Carly but it’s the fact that he lied to me. I hate liars.
My shift is finally over, and all I want to do is get out of my uniform and kick back with a cold drink and forget that Roger had the nerve to try and talk to me about becoming a father. I get that he’s happy and wanted to talk to a friend, but I am no longer that guy to him. I haven’t been for a long time. When I get to the edge of town, I come up on Maggie struggling with shopping bags.
I slow down as I go to pass her, rolling the passenger side window down. Her hair is falling out of the messy bun she has it in and her mascara is smeared when she looks over. “Need a lift.”
“I’m good,” she says with a frown.
This is ridiculous. I pull off onto the shoulder in front of her and exit my car. “Stop being stubborn and too proud. Get in. I’m no taking no for an answer. You’re obviously overloaded and it’s going to take you forever to get home. Let me help you.”
“Fine,” she states coolly.
I take the bags from her and place them in the backseat of my cruiser. Silently, she gets in the front with me. “Hey. Why so nervous? It’s not like I’m taking you in or something.” I chuckle and squeeze her hand. She’s shaking. “What’s going on?”
“It’s nothing.” She pulls her hand away and looks out the window.
“It doesn’t feel like nothing. I’m not getting back on the road until you answer me.”