I want you to suffocate me
Your smile is my number one addiction
Making you laugh is my obsession
I’ll be your pain and you’ll be my biggest regret…you set me on fire
Give me your love and suffocate me…I’m on fire
I give him the paper and watch as his eyes scan over the lines I added. He strums his guitar playing a hypnotic melody. Watching Kai get lost in his music is seriously beautiful. The way he plays with perfect ease, the way the sounds pour from his throat, he makes you feel his pain and desire. He glances at me, smiling. I swear those dimples are the sexiest thing I have ever seen. I swear my boyfriend is going to be famous one day.
He lays his guitar to the side and motions me to him. I curl up on the other side of him and we end up falling sleep from exhaustion from traveling the past two days.
After our much needed nap, Kai and I go for a walk on the strip. We do all the tourist stuff, visiting gift shops, getting shot glasses, and silly his and her t-shirts. I snag a shirt for Raven too. I know how badly she wanted to come.
We visit the wax museum and some of those statues are so creepy. I snap a picture of Kai with the wax version of Hugh Hefner. He takes one of me with Adam Levine. I send the pic of Adam and me to Raven and she replies with a pouty face.
Kai pulls me into a photo booth and we make out like crazy. I don’t think you can see our faces in any of the pictures. I can’t wait to tape then inside our locker at school when we get back.
My phone buzzes with an incoming call from my mother. I don’t want to answer it and have her spoil the great night we are having, but the guilt of ignoring proves to be too much.
“Hello,” I answer, dreading what is to come.
“Where are you, Katie?”
“Out with Kai,” I reply, hesitant to tell her I am at the beach. Who knows what she will try to do.
“Why haven’t you come to see me? I’m in the hospital ya know.”
“I’m sorry you are hurt. Did David do that to you?”
“No, why would you say something like that. I fell down the steps out front and got banged up is all.” I know she is lying, so I lie to and tell her I will come talk to her soon. I am sure she will be back to thinking I am the bane of her existence soon enough.
“You okay?” Kai kisses my temple, noticing that phone call drained the life out of me.
“I’m perfect, because I’m here with you.” I kiss his cheek and try to put on a smile for him.
We end up back on the beach after he takes our stuff to the room. I decide to tell Kai everything about my mother, all of it. I start from the beginning. The look on his face when I tell him I am the product of rape has me scared that maybe he won’t want me anymore. What if he thinks that I am dirty? Tears sting at my eyes when I tell him how I went to church, hoping God would see that I wasn’t bad, because my mother is always referring to me as an abomination. Kai cries with me when I get to the part about my mom thinking I would take her place and become a whore too.
I keep waiting for him to run away hard and fast, but he doesn’t. Instead, he holds me tight against his chest. “Kat, baby, you will never live that life again. I promise you I won’t ever let anyone hurt you or make you do anything you don’t want to do. If anyone ever tries, I will kill them.”
“You don’t think…I’m dirty, do you?”
“Jesus, Kat. Why would you even ask me that?”
“I don’t know, never mind. Forget I said anything, it’s stupid.” I shake my head.
I thought maybe Kai would open up and share his secret with me, but he doesn’t. We sit on the beach just the two of us. The rest of the world seems to fade away as I lay here in his arms, looking at the moon and the stars, wishing that we could stay like this forever. I want to push him to tell me everything about his relationship with Raven, but maybe after all the heavy I just laid on him, his truth would be too much honesty for today.
The waves crash against the shore as the moon shines bright above. Kai sings softly in my ear, soothing me. His voice just does something to me. I swear when he sings, it’s as if he is speaking to my soul.
“Do you believe in soulmates, Katie?”
“I like to believe that it is a real thing. That maybe there are two halves to one soul wandering the world looking for their home. And when they finally unite they become one.”
“That’s beautiful, Kat. That’s the way I feel when I’m with you. You’re the missing piece of me that I never knew was lost.”
“Killing me, Kai.” I use his words against him. We kiss softly, but not too heated. It’s sweet, perfect. The perfect ending to a great night.