I dance for three or four songs with those girls, having a fabulous time and catching Killian’s eyes on me repeatedly, feeling a little bit like that first night I saw him, knowing he was watching me dance, only this time, Ray isn’t there beside him.
Killian takes my picture with his phone as I dance, surprising me. I blow him a kiss and he takes another one and then winks as he tucks his phone into his pocket.
***
We step out of the hotel. The bride and groom have just had their last dance before he whisked her away to their honeymoon suite with a look in his eyes that revved my already running motor because Killian has been giving me looks of promise all night since his comment about bending me over. I’m ready to go back to his beautiful condo and have some drunk sex. Dirty sex.
He texts his driver to come get us.
“He’ll be here in ten minutes,” he tells me as we’re exiting the banquet room into the front lobby of the hotel. His eyes are a little glassy and he’s looking at me like he wants to devour me.
“Wanna take a walk around the property while we wait? It’s so pretty here,” I suggest.
“Yeah.” He grabs my hand, kisses it, and then we decide to stroll around the perimeter of the hotel, which looked like a fall portrait during the day. Now the pathways are lit so we can easily stroll through the small maze of hedges.
He’s holding my hand. It’s a little nippy out, and leaves are falling around us. But the alcohol and his presence has me feeling toasty inside.
We exit the little maze and walk across a romantic stone drawbridge over a pond before we get to a pretty fountain that’s still running and backlit with color-changing lights. The chill in the air and the steam from our breath makes it feel even more romantic to me.
“Fuckin’ wish I hadn’t taken that bet, Dimples,” he says, and my smile vanishes.
His eyes look so sad.
I feel a burst of affection at seeing that expression.
I’m feeling so lucky right now. Lucky we found one another. Lucky he saved me from the tragic tale my life had become.
We haven’t talked about this since Sunday night. But I’ve felt like it’s been weighing on him. Me, too, but I don’t think as heavily because I feel lucky we got to meet and start, even if it took time to get to it.
“I know. But that’s what happened and here we are,” I say. “It could be worse. You might not have run into Ray that night you came over. We have a chance now, at least, right?”
“My grandmother told me I should be patient in life, wait for what waits, work for what I want. Work hard, be patient about things not in my control.”
“Sounds like good advice.”
“But it feels shit that I had to wait three years for you and that you had to go through bullshit. I feel like I could’ve stopped it.”
This is the first time he’s talked about his family, other than his brother.
“Maybe we’ve both been through what we’ve been through so that we could be where we are right now and appreciate it,” I say, shrugging.
“Maybe, Violet. But I fuckin’ hate it.”
I squeeze his hand.
“Maybe I had to wait,” he says, thoughtfully. “Maybe I wasn’t ready and wouldn’t have been what you need,” he shakes his head. “Guess we’ll never know about that, but what I don’t get is why you had to get hurt so bad. You shouldn’t have to get hurt to get a chance to fix yourself by being with me. Maybe I should’ve had to wait to be in a place where I could be the man you want, a man who deserves you. But why the fuck did you have to get hurt so badly first? You didn’t deserve that.”
I snuggle into him. It doesn’t seem like it comforts him, though he puts his arms around me.
“I had a pretty easy, pretty charmed life before him, though, Killian,” I say.
He looks down at me and cups my face.
The wind picks up and I feel it, especially having a dress on. I shiver, but continue.
“Great family, friends, happy life. The only really bad thing that happened to me was when my grandmother died. Lots of people around me have hard stories. A life of pain. I think I’m pretty lucky.”
He strokes my cheek, eyes actively searching my face.
“Maybe my time with him was the hard part of my story, Kill. Maybe to get a really good happy ending, you have to face some trials along the way.” I shrug.
He lifts my hand and kisses it, still studying me.
“I learned a lot about myself along that journey, too,” I tell him. “A lot about what I don’t want. About what I don’t deserve. He hurt me, but I let him, and I won’t make that mistake again. I won’t allow myself to be led into that kind of position again. I lost a lot of time in that pain, in that place I let myself be put in. Nobody’s going to ever have that power over me again.”