Early this week, I got parking lot photos of her through a window in the building gym on the treadmill. She apparently uses it almost every day for an hour in the evenings. She visited the public library once, took long walks downtown alone twice, eating dinner out once. Again alone. She doesn’t go out for lunch at work. No outside smoke breaks. Not a smoker and evidently not a slacker. She worked late twice.
She was alone, other than when at work, from Friday until Wednesday night.
What gives, Violet Rose Gates? What are you all about?
9
Violet
Wednesday
It has been an interesting week without Ray.
I’ve had all kinds of me-time. Me-time that I desperately needed. I used it to pack his stuff, clean my apartment from top to bottom, practice some self-care (movies, homemade facials, doing a manicure and pedicure while watching some of my favorite cheesy movies), and mostly just trying desperately to get my head right.
I looked through photo albums, read old journals, looked at my social media accounts way, way back.
Whether I’d done enough to reconnect with the old me or not remained to be seen.
See, the old me was fun-loving, care-free, and confident. It’s like I’m doing a research project on someone I used to know, and my take is that I was never confrontational; I didn’t have to be. I wasn’t a tough chick or a badass in any way, shape, or form. I was just me. I had a great family, a great group of friends, and I liked to have fun. I volunteered, I was honest, paid my taxes, voted, called people on their birthdays, sent thank you cards like my mother and grandmother taught me. I was just Violet. I didn’t like people mad at me. I always tried to see the good in others. And I fell in love with a lie and held on too long because I was trying to be loyal, trying to love unconditionally. But I’ve since learned that love should come with conditions.
By the time Sunday night rolled around, I felt a little lighter. And I hadn’t made any decisions yet, but I knew I had only a few days left to make sure my life didn’t continue on as it has been. I know I have to do something.
When I got to work Monday, I felt pretty good, knowing I still had some time before he got back. But then I got summoned to my boss’s office via a Post-it note on my laptop and I was nervous. More than that – more like terror-stricken, worrying that the rug was about to be yanked out from under me, that the one positive constant in my life right now – my job and a paycheck – was about to go away.
I was pleasantly surprised (not to mention relieved) when I found out I’d been given a bonus and a raise.
I got a five thousand dollar a year raise and a gift certificate for a day at a day spa from my boss as well as a $1500.00 bonus check, which she handed to me with a speech that got me choked up.
“We appreciate you, Violet,” Shara said. “And we just wanted to tell you so. Take this Friday off as a paid day on us and enjoy your day of beauty and pampering. You deserve it. Keep up the great work. And mum is the word on this and your bonus, but there’s a great chance you’ll get a promotion into management in six months or less if you keep up all your great work. We’re looking at a possible acquisition of a competitor, a big one, and it’d mean a purchasing team instead of just you as our sole buyer. You’d be ideal to manage that, and it’d come with another raise.”
It felt like this came out of nowhere. I was shocked. My suppliers all liked me. None of my coworkers seemed to have a problem with me, and I continually worked hard as a buyer to get stuff in faster and at the best price possible. I felt like a bit of an outsider, though, because they were a sociable bunch and though I’ve been here four years, in the past two years I hadn’t done the social thing too much. No drinks after work. No lunches out with the girls. They all gave up asking a long time ago.
But my hard work? It was paying off.
It gave me a lift that I hadn’t felt in a long time.
God, I needed that.
And having $1500 in my pocket after scraping by the last while felt great. I’d be able to dig myself out of the Ray-sized hole much faster.
Even better was that Ray didn’t know about it and therefore couldn’t spend it.
On my lunch hour, I called my bank and had them open me a new bank account. I also filled out a form at work to have my future paychecks deposited there instead.