I lean against the bathroom wall as a light sweat appears on my forehead. This world that I’ve somehow got myself caught up in is insane. But I have to be honest, while what I witnessed last night was the most terrifying thing any human should ever bear witness to, it could have been worse.
Up until that moment, I had foolishly convinced myself that there was something good in them. That they were just misunderstood, broken souls with daddy issues like the rest of us. Sure, they were brutal and cruel and dealt with their issues a little differently, but they were still human. I’d even allowed myself to get close enough to be vulnerable around them.
But despite their flaws, despite their unforgiving, brutal, and murderous ways, they’ve left me in peace to wrap my head around it. I could feel the anger coming off them in waves during the long car ride home. I could feel the tension boiling in the car, feel their overwhelming need to punish me for trying to escape them, but they’ve left me in peace. Left me to try and move past this, left me to grieve the old life that I will never get back.
They’ve shown me kindness and I’m grateful for that.
They don’t want to hurt me, and though they probably look at the situation differently than I do, I see what lengths they’d go through to protect me.
I hear them around the castle, constantly walking by my door and stopping just outside to check on me, yet not one of them has forced their way in and demanded an explanation. Maybe there’s hope for them after all, or maybe they’re avoiding offering an explanation of their own.
My stomach growls again but this time more ferociously. I know I’m going to have to face them at some point. Eventually, they’ll tire of my reluctance and come for me anyway. The best thing to do is take the reins and play their game.
Getting to my feet, I let out a shaky breath, fearing the thoughts that will haunt me when I see their faces. I make my way over to the sink and splash water over my face before glancing at myself in the mirror.
My lifeless blue eyes stare back at me, but I slap on a brave face, straightening my shoulders and raising my chin. I can do this. I can be brave, and I sure as fuck can survive.
Turning on my heel, I stride out of my bathroom and out into the main hall before I give myself the chance to change my mind. I hear Levi in the distance, his drums echoing through the castle as a muffled conversation comes from the opposite direction.
Trying to hold on to that courage, I start making my way down the stairs. There’s no doubt that they already know I’ve emerged from my hideout. I’m barely making a noise, but where the DeAngelis brothers are concerned, they know everything that goes down in their home.
Hitting the bottom step, I make my way through the many twists and turns until I finally reach the dining room. Finding the table filled with everything delicious, I make my way right to it. My gaze skims over the endless options and finding a big juicy steak right in the center, I prop my ass on the edge of the table and reach.
Why the hell do they need such a big table?
I’m forced to kneel across the table just to get to it, and as I push other plates and cutlery out of my way, I hope to whoever exists above that one of the brothers had their heart set on this particular piece of meat. At least that way, I’ll be able to take something, even though small, from one of them.
Not having the energy to climb off the table and find an appropriate chair, I drop my ass to the hardwood and drag the plate on top of my legs before dressing it with everything delicious. I add some baked potatoes, throw in a few steamed veggies and then saturate it with gravy.
My mouth waters. It’s been far too long since I’ve eaten well. I know that I’ll probably regret this meal once the images from last night come flooding back, but I need the energy to keep me going.
Scanning around the table, I search out a knife and fork, and as my gaze shifts over a steak knife, I can’t help but remember that Marcus is supposed to be punishing me for what I did to his hand. But if I’m honest, I really don’t think it’s coming.
Just like everything else, I put it to the back of my mind and focus on the task at hand. Scooping up the knife and fork, I get busy, digging into the best parts as I sit with my legs dangling off the side of the table.