My gaze narrows on the small box and I shake my head. “Up until now, unplanned pregnancies have never really been something I’ve had to think about.”
“Ideally, I would have started you on the pill. It’s non-invasive and easy to manage. However, in your unique situation, I can’t guarantee that you’ll be allowed to take a pill every day, nor can I guarantee that your prescription will be filled.”
I shake my head. “I was on the pill a few years back and it messed with my system. I was a raging bitch all the time and had to stop using it.”
The doctor nods. “I could fit you with an IUD. However, that is invasive, and for some, it’s an uncomfortable procedure. Your best option is an implant. It will be inserted into your arm and you may feel numb for a few hours afterward, possibly with slight bruising.”
I swallow hard as nervousness washes over me. “Is … is it permanent?”
“No,” he says, the fear in his eyes reflecting mine for very different reasons. “Removing the implant is as easy as making an appointment. It’s a simple procedure which should only take a minute or two.”
A single tear rolls down my cheek and I nod before moving toward the small exam table that’s been set up in the center of the room. I’ve never been one to have to consider any of this before, but right now, I feel as though the decision to protect my own body has just been stripped from me. Despite knowing that this is in my best interest, I simply can’t be happy about it.
“This is a good thing,” the doctor tells me, seeing the distress stretched right across my face. “If you get yourself free of all of this and somehow manage to move past the trauma and want a family of your own, you’re going to be happy that you did this. You’re protecting your future, giving yourself a chance.”
Another tear rolls down my face as a numbing agent is injected into my skin. I look away, unable to watch. My gaze locks on the black wall opposite me, and after a few long minutes, a small bandage is placed over my arm and I’m officially protected from the evil spawns of the DeAngelis brothers.
He pulls back and quickly cleans up his tools before changing out his gloves and looking back at me. “I need to do a thorough examination. This includes an internal pelvic exam,” he tells me, the emotion completely drained from his voice knowing that even if I weren’t to consent, that he’d still have to do it. “It will be quick and pain free. Do you have any questions or concerns before I get started?”
I close my eyes and shake my head. “Just get it over and done with,” I tell him, my voice dropping to a near whisper.
The doctor gets started, and as his trained gaze travels over my body, I can’t help but feel the humiliation washing over me. If I had needed a thorough examination, I would have taken myself to the doctor that I’ve learned to trust over the past few years, not some stranger who somehow got himself involved with the DeAngelis brothers.
He tells me about his family, his two young daughters who have only just started daycare, and while I appreciate his attempt to keep my mind off the way his gloved fingers brush against my inner thigh, it’s not possible.
True to his word, he keeps his examination prompt and pain free, and after a short minute, he’s pulling away from me and purposefully keeping his distance to ease my discomfort.
I slowly sit back up as the doctor grabs his bag and pulls out a smaller bag from inside. “I’m going to leave this here,” he tells me, his eyes focused heavily on mine as though he’s trying to send me some kind of silent message. “It’s full of alcohol wipes and first aid supplies. If something were to happen to you and you were able to get away, this bag could save your life. Do you understand me?”
I nod and watch as he stands up and slides the bag into a high cupboard before softly closing the door and officially hiding it away. He takes his bag and pulls it over his shoulder before looking back at me. “Good luck, Miss Mariano. I truly hope that you find some way out of this to have a full and courageous life.”
I don’t bother nodding or even acknowledging his kind words because we both know that a dream of getting out of here is just that—a bullshit dream that’s never going to come true.
My legs dangle off the edge of the table and I watch as the doctor walks to the door and raps twice against the wood. The door pulls open and all three of the brothers are looking straight past the doctor at me.