Rory nodded several times, lines of deep thought trenched into her forehead. “It’s a good speech, Reese. Very persuasive. But it doesn’t change reality. Fisher isn’t with you. To ninety-nine percent of the world, he’s with Angie. Engaged to Angie. Childhood sweethearts who are destined to be together. And he hasn’t done anything to change that. Why is that? Is it because he hasn’t really made his decision?”
“No. It’s because he does remember his family. He does remember his friends Rory and Rose. And that does mean something to him. It means he trusts all of you. So when you tell him how much he loved Angie, it makes him question himself. It makes him fearful of what might come from his memories if he does get them back. And he’s not a monster, despite what you might think now. Even if he doesn’t remember his life with Angie, he accepts that it happened and that it meant a lot to a lot of people, maybe even him. Clearly him too since he agreed to marry her. So it’s not about stringing anyone along. He’s not having his cake and eating it too.
“This isn’t some party or game for him. He’s simply in love with me. He wants to be with me because that’s what his heart tells him. But his brain won’t let him be anything but beholden to his past until he gets his memory back or at least enough of his memories to properly explain to Angie and everyone else why he doesn’t love her the way he loves me. And it’s cruel for anyone to judge him for living in real time, for having feelings in real time.
“He could have been injured worse. He could have been confined to a wheelchair for the rest of his life, and nobody would have told him to just get his ass up out of the chair and pretend to walk simply because he used to be able to do it. It would make all of us feel better if he would just be the exact same person he used to be. We have to accept that his mind and his heart may never feel or love the same way as before the accident.”
There. I drew my own sword and fought for Fisher the way he did for me. Only I had to use way more than three words, and I still wasn’t sure Rory was ready to surrender.
“Why doesn’t he tell Angie?”
“Because she will be devastated. He’s getting pieces of his memory back. And if I were to take a guess, I think he wants to end it with her, having some true recollection of how he felt about her. I think he needs to feel a little emotional pain too.” My voice broke and tears burned my eyes. I was living in real time, not only convincing Rory of everything, but also convincing myself. “I’d imagine it’s like losing someone and having no body, not true proof of death, but having a funeral anyway. There’s not the same kind of closure. I think Fisher doesn’t merely want to end things; I think he wants closure.”
“And if he doesn’t get it? If he doesn’t get his memory back … his closure … what’s he going to do?”
I shrugged. “He’s giving it until the end of the year. Six more weeks. And if he still doesn’t have enough memories to remember why he fell in love with her…” I cringed because the analogy sounded terrible, but I’d already put it out there “…then he’ll bury the empty casket.”
That made Rory flinch. It started out as such a great analogy, but it ended rather morbidly.
Chapter Twenty-Four
Rory wasn’t happy. Not with me. Not with Fisher. Not with Rose.
It surprised me, and I think Rose too, that Rory struggled to accept the situation. After all, she went to prison and lost her marriage (and her daughter for five years) because she fell in love and that love caused a lot of damage. Rose speculated it wasn’t what had happened as much as Rory felt like everyone knew but her. Everyone that mattered.
The following weekend, I got a phone call while cleaning the bathroom.
“Hello?”
“Hey. Just found your name in my contacts. Who knew I had your number?”
I grinned, flipping the toilet seat down and taking a seat. “Hi. Who knew?” I hadn’t seen or talked to Fisher since Rory caught us in the hallway. We were trying to do things right, if there was such a thing as right. And it was clear that being together always led to situations like me half naked and tossing all intentions for human decency aside. All morals. Everything to make room for Fisher and only Fisher.
“Whatcha doing?”
“Cleaning the bathroom. What are you doing?”
“Thinking you should let me take you to lunch.”