“Stay for a beer,” Ryan begged, already a little tuned up himself.
“I can’t. I’m driving.”
“Oh, right.”
His wife Maggie plated out two slices. “Leave her alone, Ryan. She has other deliveries to make.”
“Fine.” He took his plate and shoveled half the slice into his mouth, taking an enormous bite. “Well, I guess we’ll see you on Christmas.”
“I’ll be there.”
He slid her a few extra dollars. “Have fun at your fish feast.”
“I will, thanks. Merry Christmas!” She rushed out the door and dove into the heat of her car.
Christmas Eve belonged to her Italian relatives. They had the usual Feast of the Seven Fishes, and yes, it was absolute insanity with everyone screaming over each other, bickering about how much salt should be used to brine the bacalao, drinking way too much red wine before midnight mass, and then staying up until Christmas morning playing cards. It was one of her favorite holidays of the year, but this year she was dreading it.
She hadn’t been home or spoken to her father, but there would be no avoiding him tomorrow. Her mother had called a few times, but Skylar let it go to voicemail.
She knew how they worked. Her dad likely already convinced her mom of his side, and that’s all she’d see. Sometimes the two of them were more like teenagers and inseparable best friends rather than rational thinking adults. Skylar didn’t feel like dealing with their opinions.
The next delivery was to a house on the west side of town then it was back to the restaurant to pick up three more orders. They were in the final stretch, and stores were preparing to close so the holiday could officially begin, but, for her family, there was still a ton of work to do.
Come Christmas day, after a long day of cooking and celebrating on Christmas Eve, they would open presents then head over to the big house where Gran and the great-aunts would be cooking up a storm. No matter what the temperature was each year, the heat stayed off and all the windows remained open, and it was still a sauna inside. That’s what happened when a hundred big mouths and a hundred pounds of hot food filled every inch of free space in the big house.
Christmas was one freakishly chaotic meal, but no amount of mayhem could save her from the unwanted confrontations that waited. She knew, without a doubt, her Uncle Colin would make a point to talk to her, and she dreaded the thought.
She stopped by Rhett’s house earlier. He and Addison were gone and the house was empty.
She packed her personal belongings but couldn’t fit everything in one trip. Once she had her laptop, she contacted her professor and apologized for dropping out of the course without notice.
She explained the situation, and that there was no possible way to bring up her F, so it was what it was. She’d never actually failed a class before, and it didn’t feel good. But it also didn’t feel quite as terrible as she imagined. Maybe she was disassociating.
She was on the road most of the night making deliveries, which gave her plenty of time with her thoughts. She’d talked to Rhett a few times on the phone after swinging by his house, but their calls were quiet and subdued, except when Addison took the phone to say hello. She still needed time to think, so there wasn’t much she could say.
She’d laid her feelings on the line the other night and told him what she needed. She knew he wanted her back, but she needed to move forward with open eyes. She didn’t want to pressure him, but she also couldn’t ignore what her heart wanted. She was falling in love with him and couldn’t bear the idea of falling for someone who wouldn’t love her back.
If anything, this whole experience taught her that she was not a casual kind of girl. She wanted monogamy and she wanted substance. She needed to be honest with him, and honest with herself.
The truth was, she wanted a love as open and accepting as the love her grandparents shared. She wanted the friendship her parents had. Those things couldn’t exist without open communication, and right now, Rhett seemed incapable of expressing how he felt.
But a relationship was two sided. She hadn’t been clear about expressing her needs until he stopped by her grandmothers the other day. Only then did she have the courage to tell him she needed a man capable of love. Since then, she’d been sick to her stomach, fearing she might have asked for too much.
Her heart broke at the thought that this might actually be their end. She had to stay true to herself. Not only did she need a man capable of loving her, but she wanted a wild and riotous love. She needed a man capable of expressing his affection through more than physical touch.