“I didn’t realize I was a secret.”
“You weren’t.”
He wasn’t ashamed of her. How could he be? They were still in the beginning stages. His need for privacy had been the result of simply wanting her all to himself and wanting to protect her from gossip, as well as protect Addison from jumping to conclusions.
Aside from sheltering Addison, they’d obviously failed in all other areas. He hadn’t protected her. “The gossip will fade and your dad will come around.”
“They’re calling it an affair like you’re married or something, like we did something dirty and wrong.”
“We didn’t do anything wrong.”
“I know. But to hear them sum it up that way… It takes something personal and strips away all the emotion, leaving nothing but a sexual act.” Her voice cut off as if she wanted to say more but decided not to.
He wanted to shake her and convince her what they shared was more than just sex. If only she knew all the ways he…
He swallowed hard, trespassing into uncharted territory. The fear of losing her was so strong, he gave up trying to play it cool. He knew he should give her time, but he couldn’t bear the thought of her rejection, he couldn’t stomach the fear that she might never come back.
“Come home.” The words spilled out in an honest plea, and he winced at the desperation in his voice. So much for not pressuring her. “You belong there, with us, with me.”
She shook her head. “I can’t come home with you, Rhett.”
“Why?”
“Because I need time to figure things out.”
“How much time?” This was torture. It was worse than waiting for new parents to take him, worse than fearing none would show up. He wanted her, but what if she didn’t want him?
“I don’t know. I just need time.”
He scowled at the muddy ground. “I hate this.”
“Do you think I’m enjoying it?”
There had to be a way to move this along. She belonged with him. He had to make her see that. “Have you heard from your father? Has he said anything to you?”
Her grandfather promised to speak to him. Rhett got him the damn parking space. When would Vincenzo take care of his part of the bargain and knock some sense into his thick-headed son?
“I haven’t been home. I’ve been avoiding everyone.”
He put his foot on the first step and she paced backwards a step, telling him she preferred the distance.
“I…regret abandoning you at the party. I should have protected you better.”
He didn’t know how to make this right. His greatest fear was that she’d take herself and all her affection away, without ever explaining it to him. And he would once again prove unlovable.
“I don’t want to lose you, Skylar. I want everything to go back to the way it was.”
“I don’t know if things can go back to the way they were. People know about us. It isn’t right for me to live with you and work for you.”
“Who cares what people know? It’s none of their business.”
“I don’t want to be the town scandal.”
“You’re not. There’s nothing wrong with us being together. They’re just a bunch of bored gossips making noise. It doesn’t mean anything.”
“It does to me.” She looked down and smiled sadly. “Did you know, the night of the ball was my first time?”
Shame burned through him. “I…suspected.”
“I had plenty of chances before, but I never cared about anyone enough, until I met you. I don’t know how people do this and keep it casual, Rhett.” Her hand rubbed over her chest. “This doesn’t feel casual. Casual doesn’t hurt.”
He ached, too. “It’s not casual.”
Secrets and unshed tears danced in her eyes as she looked at him. “I’m terrified you’ll suspect the thoughts in my head and the feelings in my heart and run away screaming.”
His greatest fears were his own inadequacies. He worried he wouldn’t be able to match her affection because no one ever showed him how. But he was willing to try. “I won’t run.”
“Are you sure?” She looked at him with sad acceptance. “You never even tell Addison you love her, and she’s your daughter. I need to feel loved, Rhett. I want someone who isn’t afraid to tell me.”
A lump formed in his throat. “That isn’t fair.”
“Why isn’t it? This is what I want, what I need.”
And he wanted to give it to her, but he didn’t know how. He didn’t know how to care without the fear that he would eventually be cast aside and crushed all over again. Every experience he had with others proved nothing was permanent. Even Addison would one day leave him to make a life of her own, he just prayed he was a good enough father to her that she still came back to visit from time to time.
He did his best to take care of his child and show her what a decent man should do. He didn’t have a father, so he had no personal experiences to draw from, but he remembered the families he watched on television and tried to do his best by her.