“That’s enough, man. Come on.” Erik cracks his palm against the desk, toppling the picture of Mom and Dad sitting at the corner.
I reach over to right it and he’s drumming his fingers again, making heat start to rise from my core. God, I miss my parents.
He should know he’s pushing for a brotherly beatdown, but he keeps going anyway. “Some junkie broke into your demo site. You didn’t do anything wrong here. Fucking tweakers looking for a place to squat for the night. One dies and it’s her own fault and now it’s your responsibility to save them all?” He throws his hands up and his voice hits a high note.
“Do you fucking think people want to be addicts? You think they enjoy that fucking life? ‘There but by the grace of God go I.’ That’s what Mom used to say. You should think about it.” I point at the photo, then raise my hand up to cover my eyes and pinch at the corners of my forehead. The pressure from my fingers somehow relieves the pressure inside my head.
Erik huffs a dramatic sigh as I rub my temples. I’m thinking about her, the woman they found in the rubble. Thinking maybe if someone had given her a chance, showed her they cared, maybe she’d be alive today.
I know Erik doesn’t want to hear what I say next but I don’t care. “Do you know Sarah Templeton had been on her own since she was fiftee
n? Ran away from home because her mother’s boyfriend thought she was his personal sex toy? Then she found a new ‘boyfriend’ who promptly beat her ass until she went to work for him. He also made sure he got a needle in her arm, so by the time she was sixteen she’d already been arrested eight times for prostitution and four times for possession. But, yeah, I guess she just needed to pull herself up by her bootstraps, right?” My nostrils flare as I stare him down.
He’s the baby, and sometimes he needs the hammer between the eyes because he can’t see things from any perspective but his own. “Not everyone has the same foundation as we had, Erik. Keep that in mind.” After the accident I wanted to know everything I could about the woman that died. Sarah Templeton. Even then I hated how the company lawyers tried to paint her as a low life. They wouldn’t even use her name.
Like somehow her life mattered less because of her background. I didn’t notice it before this all happened, but people assign a different value to women when they sell their body. When they have an addiction. It was so clear to me during the investigation and the case that somehow to most people, the human that was Sarah Templeton didn’t matter all that much and it infuriated me.
My brother stares right back at me, calculating whether it’s in his own interests to keep poking the bear.
Erik, my sister Cindy and I had an amazing childhood. Even when we were dirt poor and supper was the one meal you could count on, we were happy. Erik doesn’t seem to grasp the trauma some people go though in their lives. Most of the addicts I’ve gotten to know since the accident have something horrible in their past. Something that finds their weakness and turns them to the dark road. He has no fucking idea how lucky he is.
From the way he settles back in his chair and his shoulders fall a few inches I think he’s decided to keep his mouth shut for the moment. Smart choice.
“Now. Are we done?” My voice thickens as I stuff my hands down in my pockets. The muscles in my shoulders ache and twitch. My mouth is dry and I just need to be out of here. I can’t stop thinking of where I want to be. Even if it’s just looking at her. I came here to sign some IRS shit for him but the conversation quickly turned and I’m ready to be gone.
“Yep. I guess we are. Thanks for coming by to sign. Fucking IRS wants to know every fucking thing.” Erik leans back in the chair. He’s got Mom’s fair skin, Nordic light hair and lean build, while I, on the other hand, take after our father. Mom used to say Dad and I descended from some ancient human-grizzly hybrid and from the view I get in the mirror every morning she’s not far off. Even my voice comes out of me as a half growl most of the time. “I’m changing your direct deposit like you asked. Once a month still fine?”
“I don’t care. Whatever. I don’t need the money.” I pick up the picture of Mom and Dad from the edge of the desk, looking at how they still smiled at each other after fifty-two years of marriage. It makes me happy and sad at the same time, and I dust the top of the frame with my index finger before setting it back in place, turning it to face him.
I’ve left the business in any official capacity, but Erik and my sister insisted I keep drawing a salary. I also have a lot of zeros behind my company profit sharing account, but I only use that now for donations and contributions to the rehabs I support. I’m starting a scholarship sort of deal with three of the best rehabs across the country. The ones where the fucking celebrities go when they need to dry out, the best places. The programs that actually work, where you’re not a junkie, you’re just a hero in need of a rest. But the real addicts, the folks on the street with nothing and no one, don’t get to go to those facilities. No money, no help. I want to change that.
“You earned your checks, man. You turned this business around in the last ten years. I just hope I don’t fuck it up. You ever want to come back, no questions. The whole wine business thing with Cindy—” He laughs and pushes back in his chair with a knowing grin. “We both know you’re just there to get her started. Hell, you don’t even drink...”
He busts out with a hearty laugh as I back away toward the closed door, anxious to get back outside in the fresh air. I’m done. The room starts to feel smaller and smaller, and my heart is starting to pump faster knowing the sympathetic stares and averted eyes I’m going to get from the staff when I walk back toward the elevator.
“Hey, it’s something to do. Cindy needed some help. I’m a glorified gopher over there, but if she needs me, I’ll stick around for as long as she wants.”
“So now both of you are off doing your wine thing and I’m here steering the ship. Not sure that’s what Dad had in mind when he left the company to all of us.”
“Cindy never cared about blowing shit up. She’s happy as hell now that she’s bought the distributorship.”
She’s doing well. She has around seventy employees and the new building is almost ready. The warehouse is state of the art. Ten sections kept at perfect temperatures for the different kinds of wine. Fuck if I know anything about it, but she’s in hog heaven. I just do what I’m told and that’s fine for now. Keeps me busy. I can even bring my two mutts, Tinder and Leopold along to the offices.
I’m almost to the door when I turn around one last time to see Erik look at his watch then his fingers click on his keyboard.
“Okay.” Erik stops typing and reaches up to the ceiling, stretching and leaning side to side. “Well, I have work to do. You go run your little errands for sissy and take care of those in need and those vicious dogs of yours. I’ll be here blowing shit up.”
As I turn, I can’t help but think of where I want to be. Who I want to be talking to. I step forward, my gait slightly off balance. My fingers grip the cool metal handle of the door and a rush of blood streams down south. I know when I leave here my next stop will be to see her.
I lean to my right. The pressure from my prosthetic needs adjusting. Finding a specialist that could form fit and teach a six-foot-seven-inch, three-hundred-and-seventeen-pound man how to walk again with the bottom of one leg blown off hasn’t been an easy road.
Erik pushes back from his place behind the desk and steps forward as I start to open the door. I pivot taking one quick look back his way. Squinting into the morning sun as it streams through the floor-to-ceiling windows.
“One more thing.” His voice changes, the lightness gone.
He nods slightly and looks down at a thick folder at the corner of the desk. For some reason he can’t meet my eyes.
Our mutual discomfort heightened by the fact that one black boot is sticking out from under the hem of my charcoal gray slacks. Where the other boot should be, there’s just slick, curved metal.