With my eyes locked with his, I reached around and squeezed his hard ass.
He jerked, his hips pressing against mine, pinning me against the vanity as desire darkened his gaze.
“You could’ve looked like bigfoot, Kas, and I would’ve still been attracted to you. I’ve never been more attracted to anyone in my life.”
“Yeah, but why? Why did you want me when I did my best to be anything but wantable.”
I pulled him into me again, rocking my belly against this thickening cock. “Because our connection isn’t skin deep. I’m a firm believer that when you meet the one, it’s not the cells that make up our body that sit up and notice, but our soul. I felt you inside me—not just inside my heart but bigger than that. You were familiar and new, scary and safe, mine the moment I met you.”
“Fuck.” His head came down, and his hands landed on either side of my hips, holding the vanity as he pulsed his erection against my stomach. “I feel you inside me too.”
We kissed chastely to start, soft and sweet, breath and heat, but then his mouth opened wide, pouring every emotion out of him into me.
He kissed me the entire time he unzipped my hoodie, yanked it off my arms, and pulled my T-shirt and sports bra over my head. I kissed him back as I shoved his T-shirt up his carved, scarred chest and waited impatiently as he pulled it over his head.
We fell on each other again as we fumbled out of our pants. I tore my leggings and panties down while he unbuckled his belt and unzipped the jeans I’d bought him on my last shopping trip.
Kicking the last of our clothing away, he grabbed me around the waist and lifted me onto the vanity. Spreading my legs with his hands on my thighs, he looked down at my nakedness.
His jaw clenched. “Fucking hell, you’re stunning.”
I dropped my stare to his stiff cock, proud and heavy between his legs. “Likewise.”
He tracked my stare, looking at himself and the faint silvery lines on a part of his body that should never have known such abuse. His shoulders stiffened, and he sucked in a harsh breath. Reluctantly, his right hand moved until it curled around his erection.
He trembled as he fisted himself. A slight sheen of sweat glittered on his chest. Trauma and pain demanded he stop.
My heart hurt just imagining the conditioning inside his head, all the brainwashing he’d undergone since he was just a kid, having a part of his body taken away from him by monsters.
“Kas...” I wrapped my hand around his on his cock, jolting a little at how hot and hard his flesh was. “You don’t have to—”
“I know...” His eyes met mine. “But I want to.” He swallowed a black chuckle. “Jareth was right that my cock is one of my biggest triggers. Don’t exactly want to bring him into this moment, but he does have a valid point.”
Ever so slowly, I removed my hand from his, leaving his fingers wrapped tight around his erection. For a long moment, we didn’t move. But then a groan built in his chest as he pumped his hand, just once.
His shoulders rolled as more sweat broke out.
I wanted to intervene. To help. To get on my knees and bring him pleasure instead of watching him quake in pain. But...if this was him healing, then I would do whatever he needed. I would do whatever he asked if it gave him peace.
I licked my lips as he pumped his erection again, his face strained and eyes black with ghosts. “You’re with me. Only me,” I murmured, spreading my legs wider, giving his mind something to focus on.
His gaze locked between my legs as his left hand found my wetness. Biting his bottom lip, he slipped a powerful finger inside me. I gasped, arching my hips to give him better access, letting him touch me however he wanted.
His right hand slowly found a rhythm. Up, down, squeeze. He visibly trembled, and his breath was harsh and irregular, but he didn’t stop. His thumb found my clit, sending pinwheels of need through my blood.
I arched backward, knocking the scissors off the vanity.
The crash of its blades hitting the floor ruined all our progress.
Kas leaped away, his finger withdrawing from my body, his fist letting his cock go. He gulped air as panic rippled over his back.
“It’s okay.” I wriggled toward the edge of the vanity, wanting to drop to the floor and go to him. “It’s all good. Stay with me.”
Holding up his hand, he pressed his palm against my breasts, holding me in place. Pinching the bridge of his nose with his other hand, he bowed his head, long hair curtaining his face. “Stay. Give me...give me a sec.” Breathing hard, he battled whatever phantoms and nightmares crowded his head.