Now it was just hollow because someone else had grown, harvested, and prepared the food she swallowed.
It stripped my worth as a man.
It made me completely fucking worthless, and I had no idea how I would ever pay her back.
“I’m not keeping track, Kas.” She chewed and sipped again. “It’s my pleasure to take care of you. I want to pay—”
“And I don’t like it.” I grabbed the last burger in the bag, unwrapped it, and sank my teeth into it.
My taste buds exploded.
An involuntary groan crawled up my throat.
All the bland, basic meals I’d ingested for the past decade faded into nothing compared to the detonation of salt, sour, sweet, and savory.
“Holy shit, this is good.” I tore off another mouthful, forgetting all my rules about rationing and giving in to the demands to eat more, more.
Gemma laughed under her breath. “I’m glad you like it. Better than the hospital food, huh?” She unwrapped her own burger. “And for the record, I get that you’ll feel strange about me supporting you, but honestly, you’re giving me so much in return. You’re my friend, my lover, and if I can give you back a resemblance of a life that was stolen from you, then it’s my absolute honor.”
I swallowed my bite and wiped my mouth with the back of my hand. Temper still fizzed in my blood, but I did my best to calm it. I appreciated her selflessness. I loved her all the more because of it. But...I’d already taken far too much from this woman. Eventually, she’d grow to despise me if I leeched off her after everything I’d done in the valley.
Catching her eyes as she took a dainty bite, I said sternly, “I’ll eat what you buy me. I’ll take the drugs your doctors prescribe me. I’ll do my best to learn how to fit in with the rest of my species, and I’ll never take for granted the shelter you provide or the kindness you give me, but Gem...I will pay you back. I’ll give you back every single penny I cost you.”
She opened her mouth to argue, but my voice slipped past stern and went cold. “No arguments, Gemma. I wouldn’t be here if it wasn’t for you. You’ve already done more for me than anyone. By asking me to keep taking from you...that isn’t fair on me. Back in the valley, I took from you, but at least I provided for you as well. We weren’t ever equals—I’d made sure of that when I trapped you—but at least I knew my place. I knew how to survive, and I had things to offer, but out here...I’m nothing and no one. And you deserve everything and someone. Someone who can make your life easier, not the other way around.” I lowered my burger and reached across the space to cup her cheek. “Promise me, right here and now, that one day, you will let me pay you back.”
She pressed her cheek deeper into my palm. “And if I don’t promise?”
I lowered my touch. “Then I can’t eat this.” I looked at the burger in my lap. “I can’t go home with you.” I glanced at the door handle and the parking lot full of bright, awful buildings. Not a tree or flower in sight. No birds singing, no insects humming, only cars whizzing by with pollution fumes.
There had been lots of terrible things about my valley, but...I fucking missed it.
I missed the simplicity of foraging and understanding my place.
I missed feeling like I had control over my life and could extend or end it whenever I damn well wanted.
Out here...fuck, I wouldn’t survive out here on my own.
I knew that.
But I also couldn’t let Gemma become my new master. A master who collared me better than Storymaker because she shackled me with love and affection instead of pain and degradation.
I wanted to be hers but not in that way. I wanted to adore her because we were equals, not because I was so far indebted I could never be free.
I hung my head. “I love you, Gem. That love comes from a place inside me that wasn’t broken, no matter how hard the guests tried. I admit that part of me is prideful and stubborn, but it’s also loyal and steadfast. You own every piece of me that has any value. And I can give you that because I’ve taken your heart in return. I made a vow to myself the night Jareth burned down Fables that I was done with letting my past steal my future. You are my future. I’m ready to be happy...together. I want to be happy. I want to fight for us.” I shrugged as I caught her stare. “You’ve given me everything I need, and I don’t want anything else. So please, don’t ask me to accept all these gifts. I’ll borrow them. I’ll be grateful for them, but eventually, I will pay you back because that is my way of showing you that I deserve you.” I straightened my shoulders. “My way of showing myself that I deserve you after a lifetime of being taught that I’m nothing.”