Gem’s eyes filled with tears.
I wanted to wipe them away, but I wasn’t done yet. I wasn’t done purging. “That’s not something I should admit. You shouldn’t have to carry that sort of weight, knowing the man who’s in love with you isn’t stable enough to survive without you. One day, I will be. One day, I will be strong enough to be everything you need, everything you deserve, but in the meantime, what I can give you is a promise.
“A promise that I’m done with all of this. I’m done being sick in my soul and not just my head. I’m done letting a concussion amplify all the unresolved shit inside me. But most of all, I’m done not fighting for what I deserve. And fuck it, I deserve you, Gem. I deserve you because I will fight every monster who ever dares to come near you. I will protect you, provide for you. Not a day will go by that I don’t do whatever I can to keep you safe and happy.”
I pointed at Jareth, adding with a thick voice. “It’s what I gave him and the rest of my family. It was an honor to care for them, even if it almost robbed me of everything. And I’m not afraid anymore. I’m not afraid that I have nothing left. That I can’t give you what you need. I know I can because I’ve finally made a different choice.”
I swallowed hard, my heart huge and pounding in my chest. “If the white blankness comes for me, I will wake up whole. I will not forget. Never again. I’ve made a choice to stay. To be here. To move on.”
I threw back half of my drink, needing the courage to speak the last few things that burned on my tongue. “Jareth says I’m the only one he’ll trust because he knows I would’ve died protecting him. Love makes me loyal. When I choose to care, I’m all in. You already know bits and pieces of my past, Gem. You’ve heard me screaming in my sleep. You’ve put two and two together. But if you want to ask questions, I will do my best to answer you. If you have fears about how I’ll treat you, I will do whatever I can to assure you that I’m different. It wasn’t Jareth who reminded me of who I am...it was you.” I turned to face her, my knee nudging hers. “It was you from the start, pulling me back into the light, forcing me to wake up even when I wasn’t ready. But I’m ready now. I’ve made that choice, and there’s no going back.”
Jareth threw back his third drink, raising his empty glass in a salute. “Bravo, brother.” He glanced at Gem. “Think you can handle that confession? Any questions? Want to know how many guests he’s slept with? How many toys he’s had shoved up his—”
“No,” Gemma snapped, taking a large mouthful of her own drink, finally joining us in our strange somber party. “Like I said, I know enough.”
“You sure?” I asked gently. “It’s not that I want to fill your head with the same kind of filth I carry, and I won’t deny that it still fucking kills me remembering my family’s pain when I couldn’t protect them, but you asked me once why I couldn’t speak about it. That reason is gone now. And if you need me to share—”
“I only wanted you to share so you could be free, Kas.” She gave me a tentative, almost worried smile. “I appreciate you making the decision to stop running. And I’ve long argued that it’s because of your suppression that your memories have such hold over you, so I’m glad you’re ready to face them, but...”
When she didn’t continue, fear crept down my spine. Had I said too much? Did she think differently of me? I knew it was a lot to take on, but I thought she already understood who I was. “But?” I asked, my heart thrumming in my throat.
She sighed and downed the rest of her drink, cringing against the fire left on her tongue. “I’m over the moon to hear you’re ready to get better. I’m holding back ugly tears that you’ve already improved so much. And you know I will help you every step of the way. Love makes me loyal too, Kas, and I will do whatever I can to help you.”
“But...” I waved my hand.
She raised her chin, tears still gleaming in her hazel eyes. “But I don’t know if it’s as simple as making a choice. Do you honestly think you’re...cured? That you can sleep beside me now and not succumb to a nightmare that might end up with you trying to kill me?”
“I’m willing to take precautions to ensure I don’t get that far, but yes.” I nodded firmly. “I refuse to let Storymaker have any hold on me whatsoever. I’m done.”