Serena started to clap, then got silenced by her dad’s harsh glare.
“I’m not hungry anymore,” I announced, leaving the room with my head held high. Tears formed, but I refused to let them fall.
I hated him.
I had let my guard down.
And I’d let him in again.
I had believed him. Again.
And now, I wished he would just die and leave me alone.
I took a shower, completely numb to the world.
Then I snuck into the liquor cabinet and grabbed a bottle of Jack and a protein bar.
My room was cold as I wrapped the blankets around me and flipped on the flat-screen.
I was two drinks in when I heard his door close.
I jumped off the bed, ready to barge into his room, and slam the half-empty bottle over his head when I heard a girl’s laughter.
The sound of shoes hitting the floor.
The mattress.
I stood there like an idiot with the bottle held high, ready to strike with one hand and the other hand on the knob to his room while the sounds continued.
Moaning.
Laughter.
Screwing.
I lowered my hand and turned, walking back into the guest room and hugging the bottle close to my chest.
One tear fell, then another, until all I had were the sounds of the guy I loved screwing someone else, knowing I could hear, and my heart breaking until it couldn’t break anymore.
“I hate you,” I whispered through sobs. “I hate you.”
Chapter Eleven
“I sometimes think if we knew all, we should be more glad to get away.” —Robert Louis Stevenson
Maksim
The look on her face kills me.
Her outfit has my mouth dry.
Tongue thick.
I want to throw the entire table and pull her into my arms.
But I have to stick to the plan.
I would rather hurt her for a few days than hurt her for a lifetime, and I have to remember that.
This isn’t about me anymore.
It’s bigger than that.
Because it’s Izzy.
So, I stare straight ahead while she cusses me out. I try not to smile when she basically damns me to hell during her hilarious prayer, and I try not to flinch when she leaves, after making sure that most of her meal is high fiving my dick and asking when we get seconds.
The rest of the table goes silent, all eyes on me like I’m the biggest dick in the world and all I want to say is, just wait.
Wait.
Wait until I’m gone.
And then you’ll know why.
I figure Sergio will pick up on it first, then Val.
I don’t want to eat anything.
I just want to stare at Izzy, I want to spend moments with her that I can selfishly hold onto until the end, but I know the cold hard truth of death.
I’ll be gone, free, flying away.
And she’ll be stuck with them, reliving moment after moment without me to hold her hand through it. How fucking selfish can a person be? I don’t want to break her. I want her to soar. I want to know that when I close my eyes for the last time, Izzy’s already flying toward her destination, ready to take over the world.
I don’t have to be the guy that stays by her side, God knows I wish it could be me, but it’s okay. I need to be okay with it being someone else that grips her fingertips, kisses her cheek, tells her she’s pretty, and that nothing can stop her.
Until my heart stops beating, I’ll send good thoughts like that her way, and I’ll pray that someone finds her and sees her for the treasure she is.
Izzy isn’t someone you date—she’s someone you earn.
“So that wasn’t awkward.” Nixon clears his throat as Izzy stomps off, leaving me wrecked and amused at her strength. I always admired how strong she was, and part of me blamed myself that I somehow took part of that from her, made her insecure.
So basically, I should burn in Hell if that’s actually true.
Ash walks into the kitchen, running his hands over his hair while Annie follows. It one hundred percent looks like they just had a quickie in the hall, but hey, who am I to judge? I’m paying someone to look like my slutty girlfriend.
“What did we miss?” Ash sits at the breakfast bar with Annie and starts pouring wine. “Izzy looks ready to chop someone’s dick off and Maksim suddenly what? Wants to try new things and put pasta down his pants? Brave, bro, very brave of you.”
I sigh and raise my hand.
Really there’s no use in pretending it’s not my dick she wants to chop off, plus you know… sauce, all the sauce.
Sergio sighs while my dad stares me down like he’s trying to figure out why the hell I’m acting like a crazy person.
I’ll miss Izzy the most.
But my dad? A close second. He’s always been my rock. Scary as fuck, but he’s truly a good dad. He’s always been there for me, laughed with me, cried with me, showed me what it meant to be a real man, not a boy pretending. When I was at my worst ,when I needed control he showed me how to get it, how to learn to live with my feelings, not fight them.