She pouted then got on her phone. “You guys and your weird homework hard-ons. I need to film a TikTok anyway for my followers.”
I literally had to restrain myself from launching across the bench and slapping her across her flawless face.
So what? She had two million followers on TikTok.
I didn’t even have it, but I did have a cousin who could make anything look like an accident.
“Stop…” Maksim said under his breath. “You’re not putting a hit on her, Izzy.”
“What? Hm?” I said innocently.
“I know that smile; been on the receiving end of it a lot lately.” Maksim actually looked sad. “She’s just a girl.”
I jerked back.
His eyes widened. “You know that’s not—”
“You’re just a girl, Iz,” Maksim spat. “An afraid, little girl. I need something more, don’t you get it? You’re too good, too innocent, you’re just…” He cursed. “A girl. A girl I can’t have anymore. All right?”
“Is there someone else?” I asked through the tears.
We’d literally just had sex in my bedroom when he started putting his clothes on and telling me it was over, and then the bomb dropped.
“I fucked someone else.” He said it so quietly I almost didn’t hear him.
I didn’t realize I had reached for the gun in my nightstand until he held his hands up, his eyes trained on mine. “Put the gun down, Iz.”
“No.” I gritted my teeth. “I hate you.” Tears streamed down my cheeks. “I hate you!”
Maksim’s posture stiffened. “Good.”
“Iz—” Maksim tried again.
Jolted out of my memory, I jerked away from him.
It was too easy to default, wasn’t it?
Too easy to fall back into the habit of loving him, of being his best friend when all I’d ever really been according to him.
Was a girl.
“You should go. Maybe you can catch the last part of that TikTok.” I grabbed my bag and shoved my notebook back in. “Oh, and Maksim, the conclusion…” I flipped him off. “Is this.”
“That’s not fair.” He reached for me.
“Of course it is.” I glared. “After all, you’re the one who decided it.”
Done.
We were done.
And I hated him for it.
Chapter Three
“You start a question, and it’s like starting a stone. You sit quietly on the top of a hill, and away the stone goes, starting others…” —Robert Louise Stevenson
Maksim
“I’m bored.” Jenna reaches for my hand. She feels all wrong, clammy, and too skinny. I instantly want to feed her pizza and make sure she swallows.
Not that I don’t already know she’s fully capable of the act, ha ha.
I imagine Izzy’s face when I’m with her.
I used to think it would lessen the pain of not being hers, to find a replacement so I’m not close to Izzy, hurting her, making her feel sick.
Nikolai chooses that moment to call.
“Be right back.” I kiss Jenna on the head and wish it smelled like vanilla and coconuts, the way Izzy’s does. “Just order me whatever.”
We’re grabbing burgers or correction: I’m grabbing two burgers; she’s grabbing a salad with extra carrots.
Just a guess, but it’s her go-to.
I fucking hate carrots.
Aren’t they negative calories?
“What’s up?” I answer and am disappointed and bored out of my mind when I see Jenna chomping on carrots followed by sipping her diet coke.
Small sips.
Very small sips.
Shoot me.
“How are you feeling?” Nikolai asks in that perfectly calculated voice of his, all business, no emotion. I don’t blame him. It would be too hard to do his job well if he cared too much. Somehow, I know there’s a heart in there somewhere. I mean, he’s married with kids, and he does smile around Maya, his wife, but it almost freaks me out more than when he’s distant and cold.
I shrug, stomach growling. “Other than starving, I’m okay.”
He sighs.
It’s not a good sign.
Mainly because he never sighs.
“Tell me.” I grip the phone tight.
“Your levels are unstable. The medicine is working less and less. Imagine taking too many antibiotics; eventually, the bacteria being treated builds a resistance, and the medicine stops working against the infection. Another example would be painkillers. Take too many, and the body not only builds a tolerance but stops working on the pain.” His voice lowers. “We’re in clinical trials with fucking rats at this point.”
“Wait, did you just call me a rat?” I joke because it hurts too much to be serious. “Bad mafia joke, come on, man… I feel fine.”
“But one day you won’t, Maksim. You need to prepare yourself. I’m not giving up, but you need to be realistic about things. I think it would be best if you dropped out of school, spent some time with family, and made sure things were in order.”
Make sure things are in order.
I repeat it in my head.
Nope still sucks.
My body goes completely cold. “Are you saying my time is that limited?”
Another annoyed sigh. “I have a few more tests to run. I need more blood. Go to the same clinic right now. They’ll analyze it STAT and shoot the results to me electronically. I should have more news for you in the morning. Stay positive.”