“Hi,” she says in a chipper voice. “You two are new here. Are you just checking out the place?”
“Yes, just getting a feel for it,” Evander replies, and the lady doesn’t move.
“When are you due?” She brings a hand to her chest, as if seeing a super-pregnant lady is as cute as a fucking puppy.
“Uh,” I start, not sure what to say since my due date is now dependent on how much of my angel powers the baby absorbs. “Soon-ish. She’ll get here when she gets here.”
“Going the natural route? I did too. It’s the best way, in my opinion. Natural births are the only real births, in my opinion.”
Evander side-eyes me, giving me the same look I no doubt give Lucas, because his face is telling me now is not the time for murder.
“It’s nice to see such a young interracial couple. We would love to have you here.” She looks at my oversized diamond ring on my left hand, no doubt wanting the “young interracial couple” to become members just to say the church is diverse. “How long have you two been married?”
“Oh, we’re not married.”
“She’s my sister,” Evander says. “Adopted, obviously. We’re not related.” He puts his arm around me. “Which makes our baby even more of a blessing.” He pats my stomach. “I hope she has your body but my eyes.”
“Uh-huh,” Nancy Martin 2.0 squeaks out. “I have to—I, uh, I—sinners,” she mutters under her breath and speeds away.
I let out the laughter I was holding back and look at Evader. “We are in a house of worship. I think it’s safe to say you’re going to Hell.”
He shrugs. “Good thing my sister-slash-baby mama can score me a get out of Hell free card.”
I laugh again, and Evander takes my hand, giving it a squeeze. “It’s good to see you smile again.”
“It feels good to smile again,” I say, not sure the last time I laughed.
“It’s what he’d want.” Evander leads me to the back pew, and we sit. “I didn’t know Julian the way you did, but I do know he would want you to be happy. He never doubted your right to live your life, and living your life to the best of your ability is the greatest way to honor his memory.”
My eyes get all misty. “You’re right. I don’t want his death to be in vain. He died so I could live.” I look at my stomach. “So we could live.” Tears run down my face. “I hate—” I cut off, sucking back a sob. “I hate that it’s over. That this is it and I have no idea if he’s at peace or…or…” I close my eyes, losing control of my tears. Evander puts his arms around me, and I rest my head on his shoulder, silently sobbing. “He told me there’s nothing for angels after they die. They just—just stop existing. Do you think that’s true?”
“I don’t know,” he replies honestly. “What happens after death is a mystery to most. We’re unique compared to the rest of the world to know some spirits linger and can be communicated with. But some don’t. Some souls leave no trace and cannot be summoned by even the most talented mediums. It’s still a mystery.” He slowly inhales. “This is probably the part where I tell you some bullshit line about how life has no meaning if there’s no death or something like that. I can’t fucking stand shit like that.”
“You shouldn’t say fuck in church.”
Evander snorts. “You just said fuck in church.”
I lift my head off his shoulder and smile. “Fuck, I did.”
Evander cocks an eyebrow. “Did you do that on purpose?”
“No.” I laugh. My emotions are all over the place, and I’m tired from being so freaking angry for days now. “And I can’t stand it, either. Of course life wouldn’t have meaning if we didn’t have death.”
“Being reminded of that doesn’t make losing someone any easier.”
I sniffle and wipe my eyes. “One time he tried to feed me a scented candle. He thought because it smelled good, I could eat it.”
“How oblivious he was to the human world was endearing.”
“It was.” I wipe my eyes and smile again. “We hung out that day. I took him to his first movie.”
“I feel in my entire heart that he is not gone.”
“I hope you’re right.”
Evander gets up and holds out his hand. “That’s typically all most people have: hope.”
“I’m trying.”
“I know you are.” He puts his arm around my shoulders when we walk past Pink Pantsuit’s office, making me laugh again. We step out of the church, blinking in the sunlight. A breeze comes in out of nowhere, blowing leaves around my feet. I go to step on them, wanting to hear the crunch, but stop, gasping when I see something else in the leaves.