“I know what I said.” Greg turns in his chair, resting both palms flat on the desk in front of him. We’re eye to eye, man to man. “She was upset. She told me she wanted me. She…” He pauses, inhaling so deeply that his nostrils flare. “She begged me to explain, and at the time, I could feel what she needed, and I wanted to give it to her. I couldn’t see her cry and refuse what she was asking me for to make her feel better.”
“That tells me I was right in suggesting this,” I say. “You put her needs before your own concerns. That’s what I want you to do.”
“But now I think she might regret what we did.”
“Did you get the feeling that she did…after?”
“No. She was fine. We talked. We…we…cuddled, but after…” he pauses again, looking around the repair shop as though he wants to know where each of the boys is before he tells me. “She told me she’s worried about getting hurt. I told her none of us would hurt her, but she said, ‘It’s happened before, and it’ll happen again.’ She was crying, T. You gotta do something…you gotta talk to her. This thing you want for all of us, it’s not going to work based on broken foundations. Your relationship with Sandy is the bedrock for everything that comes after, and I really like her. I don’t want anything to fuck it up.”
Slumping back in my chair, it’s my turn to run my hands over my hair, frustration, and anxiety burning under my clavicle. Talking is what comes the hardest to me. Not the everyday kind of talking but the conversation that tears out your heart and leaves it bloody and bleeding on the counter for someone else to prod at. Talking to Sandy will mean opening up about Jake. I’ve never told anyone new about what happened. My boys were there through it all. They know everything from my drunken rambles and grief-stricken breakdowns, but I’ve never told them directly and consciously how I feel. I don’t know if I can.
Instead of Greg simplifying things for me, he’s now making this more complicated. But maybe I don’t have to open up to Sandy. Maybe, if we can keep her busy with other things, the past will become less relevant.
I drop my hands as relief sweeps through me like a plow through fresh snow. “I can make it good with Sandy. You’ll see.” Greg doesn’t need to know everything about my interactions with Sandy. I can show her how much she means to me without spilling my guts all over the sidewalk. There’s a way around this where I can keep my shame buttoned up.
“You better,” Greg says. There’s a warning in his voice that is low and possessive.
“Yo, Greg,” Arden says, strolling past us like he has a joke bubbling on his tongue.
“Yo, yourself.” Greg shakes his head, frowning at Arden’s retreating form. They get on great, but they’re at opposite ends of the spectrum when it comes to character. When he’s out of earshot, Greg turns to me. “That guy…did he leave here at any point today?”
“Yeah. To run errands.”
Greg nods, and he doesn’t say anything else, but I know what he’s thinking. Arden went snooping. That’s what the whispering and throat holding was about.
I glance down at Greg’s huge hand that is still resting on the damaged wood of the desk. HATE is there, winking at me. Was that the hand he held around Sandy’s throat when he was fucking her. Will he have left marks?
I guess there’s only one way to find out, but I’m not going home without the rest of these boys for distraction. Tonight, I’m going to make chili for dinner, and then we can hang out and show Sandy just how awesome it will be for her to live with us.
If she says anything to me about Jake, I’ll have a practiced smile to paint onto my face. I’ll tell her everything’s okay now, that I’m over what happened. Maybe she’ll believe me. Maybe she won’t ever find out that under everything, I still blame myself.
17
ABLE
There's some crazy shit going on at Deep Repairs. Shit so crazy that even in my most warped moments, I haven't ever fantasized about something like this.
Sandy breezes in with a broken-down car, and suddenly Tyler has lost his mind.
But I know enough about our group of six that Tyler's crazy is just the kind of madness that we'll follow him into.
I say his plan is crazy, but the idea behind it actually makes a whole load of sense. The last time any of us had a girl who we wanted to stick around for more than one night, she caused a ruck between Andrew and Arden that it took weeks of a careful diplomatic effort to repair. I hate seeing my brothers fighting, but to be honest, it just made things difficult in the house.