Ashleigh followed the line of his gaze. The house had been painted inside and out, the threadbare blinds replaced with the soft drape of curtains and the floors polished, with new rugs laid out here and there for comfort and cosiness. The furniture was all modern and comfortable, all except for one small writing desk that Jake wanted to keep because it had been his mother’s. The rest of the antiques had gone along with the outdated appliances in the kitchen; it was now newly appointed and the bathrooms beautifully refurbished as well.
The front and back gardens had been tidied, Jake doing a lot of the physical labour himself with Lachlan faithfully by his side.
‘Yes,’ she agreed. ‘It looks like a real home.’
‘Can I play with my cars now, Daddy?’ Lachlan asked, tugging on Jake’s hand.
‘Sure,’ Jake said, ruffling his hair. ‘Thanks for helping me. I couldn’t have done that last bit without you.’
Lachlan’s proud grin threatened to split his face in two. ‘I love you, Daddy.’ He hugged the long legs in front of him. ‘I love you this much!’ He squeezed as hard as he could, the sound of his childish little grunt of exertion making tears spring to Ashleigh’s eyes.
She blinked them back as she watched Jake bend down to his son’s level, his voice gruff with emotion. ‘I love you, too, mate. More than I can say.’ His eyes shifted slightly to meet Ashleigh’s over the top of their son’s dark head. ‘Sometimes words are just not enough.’
Lachlan scampered off but Ashleigh hardly noticed. She’d never heard Jake say those three little words to anyone before, not to her certainly, and not even to Lachlan until now, even though Lachlan had said it to him many times over the last four weeks.
She ran her tongue over her dry lips as Jake straightened to his full height, his body so close to hers that she could feel the heat of it against her too sensitive skin.
He gave her a small rueful smile. ‘I promised myself a long time ago that I’d never say those words again.’
‘Why?’ Her voice came out soft as a whisper.
There was a small but intense silence as his eyes held hers.
‘Remember I told you about my dog?’
She nodded.
‘I really loved that dog,’ he said after another little pause. ‘But as soon as I said those words to her my father heard me and got rid of her.’
‘Oh, Jake…’ She bit her lip to stop it from trembling.
He took something out of his pocket and silently handed it to her.
She looked down at the decayed strip of red-coloured leather lying across her hand, the small silver buckle jangling against something metal attached to it. She turned the tiny name tag over to see the name Patch engraved there.
‘He didn’t send her to the country after all,’ Jake said. ‘He killed her and buried her in the garden. I found her body, or at least what was left of it, and her collar a few days ago.’
Ashleigh lifted her gaze to his, tears rolling down her cheeks as she saw the raw emotion etched on his face.
‘Jake…’
‘Shh.’ He pressed a finger against her lips to stop her speaking. ‘Let me get this out while I still can.’ He took a deep breath and let the words tumble out at last. ‘I love you. I guess I’ve wanted to tell you that from the first moment I met you but I was too cowardly to do so. Instead, I hurt you immeasurably, wrecking my own life in the process, robbing myself of the precious early years of my son’s life. Can you ever forgive me for the pain I’ve caused you?’
She was openly blubbering by now but there was absolutely nothing she could do to stop it. ‘There’s nothing to forgive…I love you…I’ve loved you for so long…I…I…’
Jake crushed her to him, his face buried in the fragrant cloud of her hair. ‘I don’t deserve you…I don’t deserve Lachlan either.You’re both so incredibly beautiful…I feel like I’m going to somehow spoil your life now that I am in it again.’
‘No!’ Ashleigh grasped at him with both hands, holding his head so his eyes were locked on hers. ‘Don’t ever think that. I have spent four and a half of the unhappiest years of my life without you. I don’t think I would survive another day if you were to leave me now. You are the most wonderful person. I know that. I know it in my heart. You are nothing like your father. Look at the way Lachlan loves you; how can you doubt yourself? I certainly don’t. I know who you are, Jake. You might bear your father’s name but you don’t have anything else of him inside you. I just know it.’
His dark eyes were bright with moisture as he looked down at her. ‘I didn’t realise loving someone could be so painful,’ he said. ‘When I saw you at the bar that night I could barely breathe. I was so determined that I could handle seeing you again but one glimpse of you turned me inside out with longing.’