I saw the others exchange glances and move as if to leave, give us space, but I shook my head. “Wait,” I said, holding up my hand. “I want you all here for this.”
Ella gazed up at me, and for a moment I forgot how to speak, lost as I was in the depths of her eyes. “Ella,” I said, taking her hand in mine, “I love you.”
There. I had said it, and there was no taking it back now. The hard part was done.
“I know that it’s fast, and you don’t need to say anything right now. But I know how I feel, and the truth is I never thought I would be able to feel this again.”
Ella’s eyes shone, the streetlights reflecting back at me as she gazed up into my face. “I love you, too,” she said, her voice barely more than a whisper. “I don’t care if it’s too soon. But—”
My heart sank. This was it. She was going to tell me it would never work; I was too broken, too volatile. I braced myself for the worst.
Instead, Ella’s color rose as she looked around at the others. “I think I’m in love with all of you,” she said. “And I don’t think . . . That is, I think it would be too painful, if I could only be with one of you. I’m sorry.” Tears shone in her eyes as she looked back at me. “I’m sure that isn’t what you wanted to hear.”
Shaking my head, I reached for her, pulling her toward me. “Please don’t cry,” I said, my voice breaking. “That’s why I wanted to talk to you here, in front of everyone.” I glanced around at my band, my best friends, my brothers. “I don’t think I’m the only one who feels this way.”
A beat. Then Jason—shy, reserved Jason—took a step forward. “I love you too, Ella,” he said. And then, one by one, the others followed suit, telling Ella that they loved her.
“I love you,” Chris said, then turned to look at Lester. “And I love you.”
Lester’s lips quirked, and he pulled Chris toward him for a hard kiss. Howie gave a muted cheer.
Tears slipped quietly down Ella’s cheeks, and I gently wiped them away. “You really mean it?” she asked, looking between the seven of us. “You’re all okay with this?”
The others looked toward me, and I knew why. While they had all previously enjoyed the occasional group sex session, I had always avoided it, loudly proclaiming it not for me.
But this was different, somehow. I searched for the words to explain how I was feeling. “I always thought . . . that I could never do something like this,” I said. “I was too possessive; I could never share someone I loved. But now . . .” I cleared my throat. “These men . . . all of you are my brothers. You’ve saved me, in more ways than I can count. I love all of you. Sharing Ella, loving her together . . .” I smiled. “It’s the ultimate expression of trust, isn’t it? It’s another bond between us, another thing we all share.”
The others coughed and cleared their throats and . . . was Saul crying? I shook my head. Surely not. Then they were all on us, clapping me on the back, kissing Ella on the lips, hugging and laughing and crying.
“We’re really doing this?” Ella asked, her eyes shining. “Together?”
I smiled, drawing her close, the others pressed in around us. “I can’t think of anything I’d want more,” I said.
But there was something else I had to say, and this might be even harder. I loved Ella, and I couldn’t start things off with a lie. She deserved the truth just as much as my bandmates had.
“There’s something else I need to tell you, first,” I said. “If we’re going to be together, you need to know the truth.”
It was easier this time than it had been with the others, in the warehouse. This time, I had them around me, knew that they were on my side to support me through anything. Saul’s hand fell on my shoulder, offering a reassuring squeeze. I gave him a thankful smile.
Ella’s eyes were wide, worried. “What is it?” she asked. “Is there something wrong?”
“The thing is . . .” I took a deep breath. “I’m in a lot of debt. To Valentina. Bernadette and I . . . well, we got in some trouble with drugs. I’m sober now, but that’s why . . .” I glanced around at the others, at their cut, bruised faces, shame flaring hot and low in my belly. “That’s why we all have these bruises. When we left, looking for you, Valentina assumed I was trying to skip out on my debt, and she sent her lackeys after us.”