He stuffs his phone in his pocket. “So who’s the woman out front? She new?”
I grit my teeth. John knows she’s new. He’s here enough to know that. He’s just trying to get intel on her. “Yeah, she’s new.” I know I shouldn’t, but I do it anyway. Before I turn on the tattoo gun, I look pointedly at him. “And she’s off limits.”
He smirks at me in surprise. “It’s like that, is it?”
I nod. Even though I can’t have her, I can’t stand by and let her be a conquest for John. He’s a great guy, but I’m pretty sure he’s not looking to settle down. “Yeah, it’s exactly like that.”
He holds his hands up, palms facing me. “Fuck, man. I got it. I hear you.”
I nod and get to work. Probably pushing harder than I need to.
John grits his teeth. “Fuck, I said I got it. I won’t even look at her. Let up a little, will you?”
“Sorry,” I mutter over the grind of the tattoo gun.
“Yeah, well, all I’m saying is if you feel that way about her, you might want to do something about it. Not all guys are going to back off just because you tell them to.”
He lays his head back and closes his eyes while I continue the artwork. I don’t even respond to him because I don’t want to talk to him about it. Unlike all his other tattoos, this one I have done in less than an hour. I have him up and out the door in no time. I follow him to the front, and he barely glances at Emily.
I go back to my room and am cleaning up when there’s a soft knock on my open door. “Can I talk to you?”
Don’t look at her, I tell myself. “If this is about last night, I’m sorry about kissing you in the bar. I shouldn’t have done that.”
She walks farther into the room until she’s right behind me. Her scent surrounds me, and I try to ignore it. She walks to the side of me, and I have no choice but to look at her.
She tilts her head to the side. “Are you sorry for kissing me? Or sorry that you kissed me in front of everyone?”
I look at her pink lips and know I’d give anything to do it again, to feel her mouth under mine. “Both,” I mutter then clear my throat. “I shouldn’t have done it. I’m sorry.”
I wait for her to get mad or to run her mouth, but she doesn’t. She just stands there, her eyes wide, looking at me like she’s just seeing me for the first time. She takes a step toward me and grabs on to my shirt at my waist. I inhale sharply, not prepared for her hand to be touching me. She leans in super close, and I can feel her breath on my cheek. “That’s too bad because all I’ve thought about... all night and today... was that kiss.”
I want to. Fuck, I want to. I want to take her right now. Possess her, claim her, and fuck her until she never wants to look at another man, but I know that won’t happen. Women leave. I was raised knowing that. My own mother left me behind. My father turned into a raging alcoholic afterward; she destroyed him when she left. My mom may have left of her own free will, but both my parents were taken away from me. I vowed to myself that I would never let a woman have that kind of power over me. And up until the day I met Emily, it wasn’t hard. I never wanted anyone, not like I want her.
I lean my head down until our foreheads are touching. It would be so easy to lean in and kiss her, to taste her one more time. But I can’t. I think about my life, all the hurt and the pain, and I know I can’t do it. My voice doesn’t even sound like mine. It sounds like a broken man. “I can’t. I’m sorry, Emily. But I can’t.”
She doesn’t lash out. She doesn’t cry or cuss or anything. She lifts on her toes and presses her lips to my cheek. “I’m clocking out. I’ll see you later.”
It kills me to just watch her go. No matter how much I want her, there’s no way I’m going to get what I want. A wife, a family… that’s not in the cards for me.
9
Emily
You can do this. You. Can. Do. This. I keep saying it, hoping I’m going to believe it soon. I park in Dawson’s driveway and stare up at the front door. He’s home. I can see the lights from the television through the curtains. I thought about it all evening and almost talked myself out of it, but I know this is something I need to do.