“I know you’re wondering why I chose to leave Mari with you. You’re probably second-guessing yourself all over the place and thinking the worst. I at least hope you aren’t regretting it. I hope you don’t wish I hadn’t left her with you.”
“Never,” I huffed under my breath.
“But you’re the kindest, most loving person I know, and that’s what I want for Marigold in case something happens to me. I want her to feel loved and secure the way we did growing up. I want her to feel comfortable in her own skin and free to be whatever and whoever she wants to be. The Kensingtons gave me a good life, and I don’t regret it. Not at all. But they didn’t give me what I needed most after Mom and Dad died. I needed love and affection. I needed someone to listen. Stella did that for me. She was the best friend I could have ever asked for, and I hope if you decide not to keep Marigold, you’ll ask Stella first before considering other options. But, Diesel, I really want it to be you.”
Parrish stopped for a minute to take a breath. He reached for my hand and squeezed it tightly. “You okay?” he asked, craning his head back to meet my eyes.
My own eyes were wet, but I was okay. I nodded and kissed his forehead.
He kept reading. “I want you to teach her how to change the oil in her car, how to throw a curveball pitch, and how to plant a garden.”
The words surprised me since all of those were things I’d learned after moving to the Thicket. We’d talked over Facebook and email, but I guess I hadn’t realized just how much of my life she’d picked up on.
“I want you to show her that love comes in many forms and that even when you fall down there are other people willing to help you up. I want her to watch you and know that despite the crappy hand you were dealt, you made a good life for yourself and never stopped being a good person.”
Parrish’s voice began to falter with emotion, so I took the page from his hand and continued in my own shaky voice.
“I’m proud of you, Diesel. And I will love you forever. I understand why you left, but I still regret missing out on all of those years with you. Marigold is only a week old right now, but all of the baby books advised making a will as soon as possible. Hopefully, you’ll never have to read this letter, but you still deserve to know how much I love you. I’m going to call you right now to see if you want to come meet her. I want you to be a big part of her life no matter what, just like you have been for me.”
I croaked out a harsh laugh. “She did call me. I drove over and met her right after that. She was living in Memphis because she had a job in a rehab facility there. The drive was four and a half hours each way, so I only got back over there a few times before…”
Parrish scrambled around and hugged me tightly, holding Marigold to the side so she wouldn’t be squashed. I cried silently into the side of his face and let myself mourn for the sister I’d lost so much time with. When I finally finished, I pressed a long kiss to the side of his face and whispered my thanks.
The rest of the letter was mostly just goodbye and a repetition of the hope I’d never need to read it. When I was done, I carefully folded it back up to save for Marigold one day.
Parrish wiped his own face with a baby wipe. “Did you know that some people think butterflies are messengers from the spirits of our deceased loved ones?”
He quickly added, “I mean, I’m not really into all that woo-woo stuff, but lots of people are, and I just thought…”
I cupped the back of his head and pulled him in for a kiss, a real kiss. He made a muffled mhmm noise and let me invade his mouth with my tongue. I wanted to tell him how deep my feelings were for him, but I was feeling too raw right now to say the words.
Instead, I let my touch and my kiss tell him, and when his eyes rolled back in his head, I thought maybe the message had been received loud and clear.
17
Parrish
By the time Diesel Church stopped kissing me, my vision had blacked out, my heart was racing, my breathing had gone all hitched and wheezy, and I wasn’t sure if all my fingers and toes were still attached.
I’d never felt better in my whole life.