The evening was coming on really quickly, and a giant gust of wind slammed through the yard, setting the wind chimes on the back porch to jingle.
“Looks like rain,” I said, watching the clouds gather at the edge of the sky, just beyond the roofline.
“Mmhmm. Big thunderstorms coming, according to the forecast. Gotta batten the hatches.”
“Yeah?” I shifted position so I was sitting on the blanket next to him. “Cool!”
Diesel shot me a sideways glance. “I take it you’re not scared, huh?”
“Of storms? No way! At least, not unless they think there’s a tornado risk, but that’s pretty rare over here. When I was a kid, I’d open all the windows in my room so I could feel the breeze and hear the thunder. Made me feel like I was right in the middle of it.”
“Wouldn’t have been so fun if you’d actually been out in the middle of it,” he said, like it was something he’d lived, and my heart squeezed. I was painfully aware that I knew only the briefest facts about his life, but I wanted to know more.
“Definitely not,” I agreed. “Part of what made it fun was experiencing all that wildness while knowing I was warm and dry at home. Oh, and speaking of which…” I recounted my whole conversation with Terry. “He thinks the Kensingtons might not push for another overnight. Isn’t that amazing?”
Diesel grunted and bent his knee up to his chest, like a wall between us. “Your uncle must be paying top dollar for attorneys who’ll work on a weekend evening.”
I blinked. “Well, maybe. I mean, probably, yeah.” After a beat I asked softly, “Would it be better if I told Beau I’d pay for everything myself? ’Cause I have the money.”
“No!” He shook his head impatiently. “Jesus, Parrish.”
I found myself wanting to apologize, but I wasn’t sure what for. “I thought you’d be happy,” I ventured. “Didn’t you want her to be able to stay home?”
“Yeah. Yes! Of course I’m happy,” he said grudgingly, squeezing Marigold tighter. “Better than anything Stewie could have done.”
I decided not to touch this remark. Instead, I cleared my throat and ripped off the rest of the Band-Aid. “Lindsay Greene said she’d like us in there on Monday afternoon to sign some papers. I agreed, but said I’d check with you about the timing. Okay?”
“Guess it’ll have to be, won’t it?”
I stifled a sigh. “If there’s a better day for you—”
“There’s no better day. It needs to be settled as soon as possible.” Diesel picked at a fray on the leg of his shorts. “Besides, I’m very grateful to you and your uncle Beau for helping me out.”
I ground my back teeth together in annoyance. I knew it had been a crazy day after a long, crazy week. Diesel was not at his best, and neither was I. But I couldn’t lie—it drove me absolutely batshit crazy when he clammed up like this nearly every time the lawyers were mentioned. I’d told him a billion times we didn’t have to use this firm if he didn’t want to, and we didn’t have to do anything he wasn’t comfortable with. I wanted Diesel to feel in control. I wanted confident, teasing Diesel back.
Instead, he’d always mention how damn “grateful” he was.
“I don’t want your gratitude, Diesel. I just want you to be happy. You and Marigold.”
Diesel sighed. He glanced sideways at me again and then reached out to pull me in close to his side. “I’m happy. It’s just… hard.”
I wasn’t sure what was hard—the week, the situation with Mari, the situation with me, his whole entire life? I wanted him to tell me more, to explain what was happening in his head, but I wasn’t sure I deserved that explanation, not if I’d be out of his life soon. And besides, it wasn’t like I was being entirely honest with him either. Not about my past. Not about my feelings. The only time things felt really solid and honest between us was when he was touching me, whether it was him reaching for me across the bed at night, or his hand in mine while we were walking through that engagement party this afternoon.
Normally, I was a party person—I liked meeting new people and learning about their lives; I liked making those connections—but today had been tough even for me, and I just hoped it hadn’t shown. I’d really started to like all the crazy people in this town—people generous enough to throw a near stranger an engagement party after that stranger had corrupted their Pickin’ with a strange new tradition—and it was weird lying to them. Harder, in a way, than lying to Beau, who I was pretty sure would forgive me and understand my motivations once the truth came out. I felt like I was burning bridges every time someone asked me when the wedding would be.