19
Miss Zarves
There is no Miss Zarves. There is no nineteenth story. Sorry.
? Sideways Stories from Wayside School ?
20
Kathy
Kathy doesn’t like you. She doesn’t know you, but she still doesn’t like you. She thinks you are stupid! In fact, she thinks you are the stupidest person she doesn’t know. What do you think of that?
She also thinks you’re ugly! As a matter of fact, she thinks you are the ugliest person she doesn’t know. And she doesn’t know a lot of people.
She doesn’t like the people she knows, either. She hates everybody in Mrs. Jewls’s class. She did like one member of the class. She liked Sammy. She thought he was funny. Sammy was a dead rat.
But Kathy has good reasons for not liking any of the children she knows. She doesn’t like D.J. because he smiles too much, and she doesn’t like John because he can’t stand on his head.
Kathy once had a cat named Skunks. She liked Skunks. But she was afraid that Skunks would run away.
“You have nothing to worry about, Kathy,” said Mrs. Jewls. “Skunks won’t run away. Just be nice to him and feed him and pet him, and he won’t run away. He may go out and play, but he’ll always come back.”
“No, you’re wrong, Mrs. Jewls,” said Kathy. “What do you know! He’ll run away.”
So Kathy kept Skunks locked up in her closet at home. She never let him out and sometimes even forgot to feed him.
One day, while Kathy was looking for her other shoe, Skunks ran out of the closet and never came back.
“You said he would come back, Mrs. Jewls,” said Kathy. “He never came back. You were wrong. I was right.”
That was why Kathy didn’t like Mrs. Jewls.
“The next time I get a cat, I’ll kill him. Then he’ll never run away,” said Kathy.
Then there was the time that Dameon tried to teach Kathy how to play catch.
Dameon said, “When I throw you the ball, Kathy, try to catch it.”
“I can’t catch it,” said Kathy. “I’ll just get hurt.”
“You won’t get hurt,” Dameon insisted. “Just watch the ball.”
He tossed it to her.
But Kathy knew she’d get hurt. So she closed her eyes. The ball hit her on the cheek. It hurt.
§
Kathy began to cry. “You were wrong,” she sobbed. “I was right!”
That was why Kathy didn’t like Dameon.
Allison believed that if you are nice to someone, then they’ll be nice to you. So one day she brought Kathy a cookie.
“I don’t want your ugly cookie,” said Kathy. “It probably tastes terrible!”
Allison said, “No, it is very good. I made it myself.”