But although he adored his daughter, the thought of her didn’t quite manage to suppress the feelings of dread and loss that were building in his chest. His eyes stung, and he was glad Rohan couldn’t see his face right now.
Jamil took in a deep breath, trying to push away the negative thoughts. There would be time to feel sad and alone—plenty of time in his future—and there was no use spoiling the present with it. If this was borrowed time, Jamil intended to enjoy it while he could.
Filled with new determination, Jamil put all his efforts into building his mental shields. He didn’t want Rohan to sense the direction of his thoughts, didn’t want him to think Jamil was a clingy, pathetic idiot too stupid to long for something impossible.
To his surprise, building mental shields now came effortlessly to him. He was pretty sure Rohan could still sense his general emotions through their bond, but he was confident that his thoughts were now private.
“I think my shields are pretty good now. Could you check?”
He felt Rohan probe at them gently before letting out a surprised sound. “You’re a natural,” he said. “They’re very good.”
Although his tone was approving, Jamil could feel something like faint displeasure coming off him.
“Something wrong?” he said, his eyebrows furrowed.
Rohan let out a self-deprecating laugh. “I guess I just got used to having unlimited access to your thoughts. Feels weird not to have it anymore. It’s a good thing you can now shield yourself from me. It is.”
Jamil studied him curiously. It almost seemed as though Rohan was trying to convince himself. Judging by Rohan’s pinched, disturbed expression, he wasn’t pleased by his own feelings on the matter, either.
“There has to be a line,” Jamil said softly, looking down. “It probably wasn’t healthy, Rohan. We’re two individuals, not one. There have to be some boundaries.” His words sounded reasonable. Very reasonable, and very hypocritical. His reason for putting up mental shields had nothing to do with rationality—he would have had Rohan inside him all the time if he could—and everything to do with self-preservation. He didn’t want Rohan to know just how needy he was, how badly he wanted to keep Rohan in him all the goddamn time.
Rohan gave a clipped nod, his arm tightening around him. “Of course. You’re right.”
“Now tell me about Dalatteya,” Jamil said, changing the subject. “What did you see in her mind?”
“Her memories have been altered. She either doesn’t know that Tai’Lehrians are the rebels, or her memories have been altered to make her forget. There were also mind traps in her mind, set to be triggered if someone tried to recover her altered memories. That’s a work of a well-trained, high-level telepath. And I know of only one group of people on Calluvia who could have done it.”
“The High Hronthar,” Jamil murmured, frowning.
Rohan nodded. “The Order must be the ones manipulating the public opinion too. It wouldn’t be the first time they’ve done it.”
“What do you mean?”
Rohan’s brows drew together in thought. He ran his fingers over Jamil’s arm absentmindedly. “Do you know how the rebel movement started?” At Jamil’s blank look, Rohan said, “They were called renegades for a reason. The rebel movement was founded by Sahir Sagni, a former High Hronthar member who didn’t approve of the way the Order manipulated the Council into introducing the Bonding Law. The Order used people’s fears and managed to persuade the Council that it was for everyone’s good to bind all children’s telepathy from a very early age by forming a betrothal bond. As a result, the monks became the only people on Calluvia whose telepathy wasn’t restrained by such a bond, making the High Hronthar immensely powerful. Sahir Sagni tried to warn the Council, tell them of the Order’s true motives, but he was declared an insane renegade spouting nonsense and thrown out of the Order. He was forced to go into hiding, and although most people didn’t believe Sagni, some had. And that was how the rebel movement started.”
Jamil frowned. Although the rebel movement was founded thousands years ago, Calluvia was already a highly developed society at the time. It was very strange that there was no mention of Sahir Sagni anywhere in the records.
Rohan smiled ruefully. “I have to say you gotta admire the way those bastards masterfully cultivated the image of harmless monks not interested in power when the reality couldn’t be more different. The High Hronthar has its long arms everywhere, subtly controlling the Council, public opinion, and who knows what else.”
A cold feeling ran down Jamil’s spine as he remembered how many times he’d allowed the mind adepts to enter his mind in the past.
“Still,” Jamil said, squirming closer to Rohan’s warmth. “It seems unbelievable that nowadays people have no clue how the rebel movement started.”