“Of course,” she says warily and I look up at her.
“Everything all right?”
“Just checking on you. I know things are a bit tense at the moment.”
“It’s nothing I haven’t dealt with before.”
She stares back, her glasses slipping slightly from the bridge of her nose and her brow rises just as Wyatt’s did. “Is there something else? Something you want to say?”
She shakes her head softly, the corners of her lips turning down. “No, sir.”
“You can tell me,” I say. “If there’s something on your mind, speak freely.”
“If Ms. Parks asks to meet with you, would you like me to let her up still?”
“Of course,” I’m quick to answer.
“Good, good.” Relief colors her face.
“Why would you ask?”
“She seemed upset yesterday, and so did you this morning. I just … I’m glad to hear that, is all.”
Suzette
Guilt and nervousness and gratefulness spin through my mind for the rest of the day at work. All I can do is count down the minutes until 6:00 p.m. when I know Adrian will step into that elevator and I can be raw with him and let everything out. It’s a gray area regarding the boundaries we set, but I have to get it out of me.
It’s a mix of every emotion, so intense I have trouble concentrating on anything at all. My office door stays closed and I ignore every text and email and knock. I rescheduled several meetings and give myself the day to gather my composure.
This is what I wanted. It’s exactly what I was hoping he would tell me was going to happen when I stormed into his office yesterday. Keeping my department whole is security and yet I feel nothing but insecure.
It all feels wrong. Just then my inbox pings with a new email notification and the subject line encompasses exactly what plays on repeat in my mind: If you weren’t sleeping with him, you’d have to fight for your job like the rest of us after the merger.
There’s a sinking feeling in my chest and when I click on the email header, the address is one I don’t recognize. More than likely it’s a throwaway account.
“Fuck you,” I mutter and click delete although I can’t say that they’re wrong.
For the last hour, I do what I can, making plans for reassuring our clients and reaching out to other department heads to ensure we have what we need to continue.
If we don’t, we will. I won’t let us miss a beat. It’s critical for our clients to know we’re stable and there won’t be any delays.
If Adrian is keeping our entire department, I have to make sure we have something to show for it. We have to be the best, now that he’s singled us out.
I feel guilty that my department is staying because of what Adrian and I have done together … but not guilty enough to stop doing it.
I’m nervous that he’ll change his mind and even more nervous that he’d be right to do it. And I’m grateful to him for announcing in front of everyone that he would be keeping our department. It saves me an untold amount of time trying to reply to questions when I don’t have any firm answers.
I shake off the nervousness as best I can when it’s finally time to get into the elevator. The office has been emptying out for a while now, and there’s no one to see me step in. Adrian is already there waiting, occupied with his phone. When he glances up at me, my heart races. All the jitters rev up and I forget everything I was going to say.
“I can’t do dinner tonight. I have a number of things that have piled up and arrangements that need to be finalized.” My heels click as I step into the elevator, pretending like that’s all right. Like it doesn’t feel as if he’s struck me and confirmed that everything is wrong and off between us.
“Okay,” I say softly, staring straight ahead as the doors close.
“I can drop you off at your place if you’d like,” he says briskly. It’s cold and I stand a little further away from him as the elevator moves. He puts his phone in his pocket and presses the button for the first floor.
“Are we okay?” Now what I’m feeling is all nerves. It’s tense between us, and different. There’s none of the hot playfulness that’s been part of every meeting we’ve had, and I can’t help but wonder if it’s because of what he did earlier. I know Adrian made that choice because of me. Guilt comes roaring back.
Adrian lets out a sharp breath and punches the emergency stop button on the elevator. “I need us to be—” he begins, and then he grabs me, pulling me commandingly across the space and into his arms. He lifts my face to his and kisses me hard and passionately, his tongue seeking entry into my mouth, and I part my lips for him with a moan. Heat blazes between us in an instant. It’s unexpected but oh so needed.