I understand why she offered to let her mom stay with her. I get it. I do. However, I still worry about her. I don’t know her mother, and honestly, at this stage in the game, I don’t want to know her. Not after the way she treated her daughter. Her flesh and blood. I couldn’t hold my tongue, and I told her that I didn’t think it was the best idea, but that she had my support no matter what. She does. Always. However, when we talked last, she said that her mom seemed to be doing well, and she was still staying with her. It’s been four days since I’ve heard her voice, and it’s kind of tripping me out a little. I let my imagination run wild. I mean, her mom has been there almost three weeks. Surely, if she was being malicious in her intent, it would have shown by now.
“You coming?” Chad asks.
“No.”
“Why the hell not?”
“I’m not in the mood for the bar.”
“You’ve never not been in the mood for the bar.”
“I’m going to stay home and try like hell to get ahold of Shayne.”
He nods. “Fine. You know where we’ll be if you change your mind.”
“Thanks, man.” With a wave, he walks out the door, and I’m finally alone. Pulling my phone out of my pocket, I dial Shayne. And much to my dismay, it goes to voice mail. “Hey, babe. It’s me. I really need to hear your voice. I don’t care what time it is when you get this, call me. I’m off this weekend, so don’t worry about interrupting my sleep. I miss you. I love you.” Ending the call, I drop my phone on the bed beside me.
I don’t know how long I lie here looking at the ceiling before my phone alerts me to a new message.
Shayne: Hey! Sorry, I’m working. I miss you. Love you!
Me: I just need to hear your voice, Shayne. Thirty seconds, babe. Just need to hear it.
I am completely aware I sound like an irrational, jealous asshole. I own that. I just hate that she’s had her mother staying with her, and I’m not there. I told her I would be there to support her, and yet I’m stuck here. I hate the distance between us, and as the days and the weeks wear on, it gets harder and harder not to be there with her.
I fucking hate the distance.
I’m in the middle of pleading my case when my phone rings. “Hello.”
“Hey, sorry, it’s really loud in here tonight. Is everything okay?”
“Yeah, babe. It is now. I just… I was worried about your mom staying with you, and I hadn’t actually gotten to talk to you since that night, and well, not hearing your voice kind of put me in this funk. I was afraid that you needed me, and I’m not there, and yeah…” I say, ending my rambling.
“That’s just one of the many reasons I fell in love with you. I’m sorry I’ve been so busy. I’ve been working and going through the packet for school.”
“Yeah?”
“I really want to do it.”
“Do it. You can do anything you want, Shay.”
“I would never have even considered it or gotten this far without you,” she says as Jet calls out for her. “Sorry, it’s really busy tonight. I’ll call you when I get off work.”
“I’m off this weekend, so yes, do that. I don’t care what time it is. You call me.”
“Okay. I love you. I miss you like crazy.”
“I miss you too, babe. I’ll talk to you soon.”
Phone in hand, I pull up my pictures and flip through the many that I took during our time together as well as those I’ve saved that she’s sent me during our time apart. I don’t know that I can do another year. I hate being away from her. I know she has Chad’s family there, but I want her closer to me. Hell, I want to be closer to her. I know there’s not a damn thing I can do about it.
The thought has crossed my mind to ask her to move here, but that’s selfish. If we get shipped out again, and the chances that we do are pretty high, she’ll be here all by herself. At least she has some allies where she is. I just hope her mother really does have her shit together this time.
I’m lying awake with my phone clutched in my hand. As soon as I feel the vibration, I hit Accept and place it to my ear. “Give me two seconds, babe.” Climbing out of bed, trying not to disturb the others, I make my way outside to the picnic table. “How was your night?”
“Exhausting. I don’t know why but all week I’ve felt drained.”
“Are you sleeping okay?”
“Yes. I think it’s just the changes, you know? I mean, Mom is still staying here, you’re gone, I’m getting ready to apply to school, and I’ve been picking up extra shifts.”