As soon as I get into my yard, I jump off the bike and run into the house, slamming the door behind me. I pushed myself hard, and my legs are burning, my lungs are burning, and I bend over trying to catch my breath while all these thoughts are going through my head. Is he going to follow me? Will I have the strength to turn him away? I shake my head, trying to force the thoughts away. I go about my nightly routine; I shower and scrub my face, put on my pajamas and my robe and still I'm wondering if he's going to come for me. I'm hating this side of me - the side that is wanting him but knowing that I shouldn't.
I make sure all the doors are locked and lie down in my bed. A car drives down the street, and I raise up, wondering if it's his truck and if he's going to pull into the driveway. The car passes. I'm completely on edge and broken-hearted. I had all these dreams for moving to Cherry Falls, and I had really hoped that this was going to work out. But how is that possible? How am I going to be able to work with him every day knowing what I know, feeling what I feel and denying the attraction between us? I lie back on the pillow with a huff. I clench my eyes closed tightly and try to force myself to sleep knowing that I'm going to dream of Kent and hating myself for it.
Kent
I almost followed her home last night. I’ve known where she lives since her first day at the department. I wanted to talk to her last night and to explain myself, but I wasn’t ready. Instead, I drove by her house to make sure she made it home safe. Her bike was in the front yard, so I knew she was inside. I wanted to stop... but instead I drove on by. I drove through the streets of Cherry Falls until late into the night. Normally after a twenty-four hour shift, I go straight to bed and am unable to keep my eyes open. Not last night, though, because I couldn’t stop my mind from wandering.
I wanted to explain to her, but I wasn’t ready. And honestly, she deserves more than that. I’ve been a man walking around with a broken heart for so long that I didn’t know if I could ever feel again. Fuck, I honestly didn’t think I was capable. Well, meeting Ava changed all that. She sparks something in me, and it's like nothing I've ever felt before. So after driving around, I went home last night and thought about everything. I thought about my past and how happy I was and how it changed in just an instant. And then I thought about Ava and the future. Who knows where this can go, but I know that I have to try because the alternative doesn't work for me.
On very little sleep, I get up, shower, and get dressed. I sit on the chair in the living room and wait for the sun to come up. There’s no way I can just show up at her house this early, so I count down the minutes until the time seems more reasonable.
When the businesses are about to open up, I drive across town and stop at the Flower Patch and grab some daisies. Gracie, who co-owns the shop, is obviously curious about the flowers even though she never comes out and asks me who they’re for. A part of me wants to tell her and everyone else I meet on the street. I want the word out that Ava is taken, but I can’t do that. Not until we talk.
I drive back to her house, parking on the street instead of in her driveway. I stare at the indentation on my ring finger. I finally took the ring off this morning. I should have done it before but just didn’t think about it.
I walk up to her house, and I nervously tug at the collar on my shirt and knock on the door.
Seconds later, she opens the door, sees me, and starts to shut it again. I put my foot in the door to stop it from closing.
She looks at my shoe and then up at me. “What do you want?”
There’s anguish and desperation in my voice when I reply. “Please let me explain.” I hold my hands up and move my foot. “Just give me ten minutes.”
She leans on the open door heavily. Her hair is wet and hanging down her shoulders. She’d obviously just gotten out of the shower, and she seems conflicted by my request. “I don’t want a problem, okay? I’m not letting a married man into my house.”