She turns to face me. "But I've done it for years, Locke. Years. That's what happened to the Fox fortune--mostly unfounded penalties because both governments suspected I was involved in the underground. And when the penalties didn't stop me, there was the fire. I don't care about the house or the money, but now I have Kayla. She'll be a child for such a short time. I have to think of her."
"Sure you do, but your meeting with Father Andre wasn't exactly about your soul."
She smiles. "You're right. He knows I'm not active anymore, but we're there for each other if necessary. After all these years, I still have a lot of history and plenty of connections with the Network."
I stare at her, wondering who she has become, and a strange hungry feeling grows inside me. It's as strong as a starved stomach. I'm hungry for what Jenna had, hungry for the life I didn't live, hungry for the purpose I don't have. Hungry for something or someone to need me as much as I need them.
My house. My uncles. My parents. Someone. Something.
I feel myself beginning to lapse, losing the moment, searching my memories for a time when I was needed, but I don't want to leave Jenna either--not again. I want at least that much from this world. Stay, Locke. Focus. I jump up and face her. "I saw and heard and knew at last..."
She tilts her head back to look at me and even in the dim light I see her confusion. Slowly she turns her head to the side and understanding spreads across her face. She laughs. I stand there waiting, and she stands, finishing just the way she used to. "The How and Why of all things, past." She claps her hands like I just recited the whole poem. "I can't believe you remembered that."
I shrug. "It's not that big a deal," I say. "When you only have sixteen years of memories to fill decade after empty decade, you tend to remember every detail you can." I step closer to her. "And maybe some things are more worth remembering than others."
Was it only for her, Locke? Did you memorize poetry only for her? I flinch at the unexpected thought. I look over my shoulder but see only the quiet black pond with a shimmer of reflected starlight. I shake the thought away and take another step closer to Jenna so we are just inches from each other. She looks up at me, tenderness in her eyes, calmness in the ocean of blue that used to keep me afloat.
Locke.
I hear it, the faintest sound in my head. Jenna saying my name, and I know that, even though we didn't have the years together that Kara and I had, even though our thoughts don't flow back and forth in the same way, the time that we did have together is not gone. Our connection survived.
Jenna.
Locke.
I--
She steps back. "We should go in," she whispers. "It's getting late." And she grabs my hand and pulls me up the slope before I can say or do anything else.
Chapter 58
Jenna.
Wake up, Locke.
Wake up.
Jenna.
Jenna.
Jenna.
I startle, bolting upright in bed. My heart pounds in my throat. Jenna's name hammers in my head. I reach up, wiping at the sweat on my chest.
I take a deep breath, but midway it catches--
Jenna.
It is not a dream.
The angry beat vibrates through me.
I heard you, Locke. That first day. I heard you. The very first name from your lips was hers.
My temples throb. "Kara--"
Shhh! They'll hear you.