She looked at me, confused. “You’ve been—”
She paled, realization setting in. She pushed Jeb’s feet to the side and sat on the end of his cot, resting her face in her hands, trying to absorb this news.
“You had to know I wasn’t always hunting down princesses,” I said. “I had duties. One of them brought me here.” I told her the barest details of my visit two years ago, only one man as my target, but a key one. “If it’s any consolation, he deserved it. At least that’s what the Komizar told me.”
Deserved. The word had wormed through me all morning. The way Aster had deserved a knife in her heart? Maybe that was why I had picked up Griz’s bottle. There was no doubt that countless Vendans had died brutally at the hands of other kingdoms, and probably by the hand of the man I killed too, just as the Komizar had claimed. I had witnessed the brutalities myself. But there had to be others like Aster who were killed simply to send a message. How many of them had died by my hand?
The weight of Lia’s steady stare tore through me. I looked away, wishing the bottle of red-eye wasn’t empty. She sat quietly for a long while. Did she still believe I was a different person?
A hiss finally escaped between her teeth. She stood and began rummaging through supplies in the surgeon’s cabinet. For the first time, I noticed that the scarf she was carrying was wrapped around her hand.
“What happened?”
“Stupidity, and something that will never happen again.”
She unwrapped her hand and rinsed it in a basin, then began pulling out slivers with a tweezer.
“Here, let me,” I said.
“You?” she scoffed.
“It’s not surgery. I’m sober enough to take out a sliver.”
She sat down opposite me, and while I held her hand and worked out a sliver, she told me about Dihara and the other vagabonds being burned out.
“Natiya,” I said, shaking my head. “I knew she wanted your horse to kick out my teeth, but I never thought she’d slip you a knife. Most vagabonds know better.”
“Even vagabonds can put up with only so much. Especially young ones. She’s suffering now. She thinks it’s all her fault.”
“The Komizar must have believed you when you said you stole it. Otherwise they’d all be dead.”
“Well, isn’t that a consolation? The great, merciful Komizar!”
Her sarcasm stung. I rubbed my thumb across the top of her hand. “I’m sorry.”
Her expression turned earnest. “Is he dead, Kaden? You must have gotten a sense of something.”
I knew she was desperate for me to say yes, but I repeated what I had told her before. I didn’t know. He was badly wounded. He was weak. I’d heard some mumblings that didn’t sound hopeful for his recovery, and after that first day until we left I hadn’t heard his voice again.
Her hand relaxed in mine. It was clear she didn’t think any of those who remained in the Sanctum could manage the monumental task of leading such an army. She was probably right.
A shadow crossed the door of the barracks, and I looked up to see Tavish watching us, most particularly focused on Lia’s hand resting in mine. I let him look long and hard before I alerted Lia to his presence: “We have company.”
CHAPTER TWENTY-SIX
RAFE
I found Lia tucked up in the corner of the soldiers’ mess hall, her back to me. I uncurled my fingers, forcing them to relax. I promised myself I wouldn’t go in with accusations. I would forget it.
But no matter how I tried to block it, my encounter with Kaden in the surgeon’s bungalow pounded in my head. It was me she held on to when she needed comfort. My shoulder she wept on. Don’t be so certain of the position you now hold. It was me she slept beside every night, and trust me, she enjoyed every second of it when she kissed me. You’re only her means to an end. It was only a taunt, I told myself, that was all, and I didn’t let on that I gave it any merit. It deserved none.
The dining hall was mostly empty between meals, except for the five soldiers who sat at a table with her. I walked across the room slowly, the floor creaking beneath my boots. It immediately caught everyone’s attention. Except for Lia’s. One by one, the soldiers looked at me and laid their cards down.
Lia didn’t turn, not even when I stopped behind her stool and her hair brushed against my belt. The soldiers made to stand up, but I waved them back down.
“So, what’s your stake this time?” I asked. “Something I should be worried about?”
She lifted up a bottle of red-eye, still not turning to look at me. “Every time I lose a hand, the bottle gets passed. I’ve only had to pass it twice.” She sighed dramatically. “Colonel Bodeen really should be more careful about locking his liquor cabinet.” Her head tilted as if she was weighing a thought. “Or maybe it was locked.”