She patted his arm, much as she would have comforted her son, though she couldn’t have felt less maternal. “There’s no need to look so panicky. I don’t expect anything from you. I know how you feel about commitments. And you’ve certainly never led me to think you feel anything deeper for me than attraction. That’s okay. We’ll work things out for Simon’s sake, and there’s no reason at all we can’t be friendly about it. I just want you to understand why it’s best if we keep our distance.”
He cleared his throat. Something in his expression took her aback for a moment. But then he moved away another step, letting the shadows hide his face from her. His low voice came out of the darkness, much as it had in her occasional dreams of him. “I thought I’d made it clear that I never saw you as a casual partner. But as for anything more—I just don’t have a good track record with that, Joanna. The few times I’ve attempted relationships ended in disaster, and it was probably my fault. You deserve a hell of a lot more than a guy who doesn’t even know what he wants out of life.”
“You deserve more than that, too,” she replied quietly. “And I hope you give yourself a chance to find it someday. You have a lot more to offer than you realize, Adam.”
After several long moments of silence, he said, “You should probably go to Simon. We’ll talk again later.”
She nodded. They would talk again, of course. Through phone calls. Texts and emails. Maybe the occasional communication through lawyers if any legal details cropped up in the future. It wasn’t the parenting arrangement she’d ever imagined, but it was the one her son had. And she would do her best to make it work, regardless of how much she wished that it could have been different.
“Just promise me one thing,” she said in a strained whisper.
“What?” The wariness in Adam’s voice caused another ripple of sadness to course through her.
“I know you were pulled into Simon’s life before you were ready, but please don’t make any promises you don’t think you can keep. To Simon, I mean,” she added quickly. “I don’t want him to be disillusioned.”
He stood very still in his cloaking shadows. Had she insulted him? Hurt his feelings? That hadn’t been her intention. She was simply trying put Simon’s needs first, as always.
“The reason I wasn’t sure I wanted to tell him about me was precisely because I didn’t want to let him down,” Adam said in a low, flat tone. “But I told you, I won’t lie to him. Not today. Not in the future. I’d cut off both my arms before I’d hurt him. Or you,” he added roughly.
Forcing back a sudden rush of tears, she swallowed the knot in her throat and nodded. “Thank you,” she whispered. “Good night, Adam.”
“I’ll see you in the morning.” With that, he turned on his heel and moved away in long, brisk strides. He didn’t look back.
Needing a chance to compose herself before facing her sister, Joanna lingered for a few minutes by the koi pond. She watched the colorful fish swimming lazily through the glittering water lit by tiny multihued bulbs, though she found little solace there. Maybe she’d had enough of meticulously staged escapism for now. Maybe she would find comfort in a return to her work, in the taxing realities of packing and cleaning, moving and settling in, adjusting to all the changes in her life. Changes that included regular contact with the fantasy man who had haunted her dreams for longer than she’d acknowledged. A man who’d become all too real to her this week.
Maddie was waiting in the suite, a glass in her hand half filled with the chardonnay Joanna had stashed in the minifridge for quiet evenings with a book after Simon’s bedtime. This vacation certainly hadn’t turned out as she’d expected when she’d arrived.
After taking one look at Joanna’s face, Maddie handed the glass to her. “You look like you need this more than I do.”
Though she didn’t particularly want it, Joanna took an automatic sip, then set the glass on a table. “Is Simon asleep?”
“He didn’t make it through three pages of the book. I’m never going to find out how that story ends,” Maddie answered lightly, though she studied Joanna’s face intently. “You okay, sis?”
Joanna didn’t quite meet her gaze. “Oh, sure. Just tired, I guess.”
“Crazy day, huh?”
“You could say that again.”
“We should have known Simon would figure everything out. I don’t think you’re ever going to be able to keep secrets from that kid, Jo.”
Trying to smile, she nodded. “I suppose that’s just as well. I’ve always tried to be honest with him.”
“I didn’t expect you back quite so soon. I thought you and Adam would talk longer.”
Joanna ran a hand through her hair. “I think we’ve said all there is to say for now. He needs more time to think about how he wants to proceed. The legalities are all taken care of, as far as I’m concerned. He has all my contact information. We’ll see him again before we leave in the morning so Simon can say good bye for now, and then I don’t know when we’ll see him again.”
“He promised Simon he wouldn’t disappear,” Maddie said with a quick frown in the direction of Simon’s darkened room, its door open only a crack.
“I know. And he swore to me he won’t make promises to Simon that he can’t keep. So I believe he’ll stay in touch, one way or another.” As for how often he’d want to see his son in person—well, that was to be determined later.
“And what about you?” Maddie asked.
“What about me?”
“Has he made any promises to you?”
“Other than not disappointing Simon, no.”