“Leah’s been going through a rough time,” she said after a moment, choosing her words carefully so he wouldn’t draw any mistaken conclusions about what he’d inadvertently witnessed. “She lost her mother a few months ago, and she’s been dealing with grief and stress and loneliness while trying to be everything to everyone else in her life. She’s a st
rong woman who loves her husband and truly adores her son. She misses her mom and needed to vent. I could offer her that opportunity and suggest a few resources that might help. She’ll be fine.”
He nodded thoughtfully. “You must be very good at your job. You love it, don’t you?”
“I do,” she admitted. “I’ve enjoyed teaching, but I’m looking forward to spending more time working with clients and their families. This job in Seattle looks like exactly what I’ve hoped to find.”
He’d turned away, so she couldn’t see the expression in his eyes, but she noticed a muscle twitch in his jaw before he said, “I hope they’ll realize how lucky they’ll be to have you there.”
“Thank you.” She sighed, suddenly weary. “I should head back to the suite before Maddie starts looking for me.”
“That’s really all you came for tonight? To apologize?”
She wasn’t quite sure how to explain the impulse. She decided to be candid. “I’m glad we aren’t fighting anymore. I never meant for that to happen. I’d much rather leave here remembering the fun we had together.”
“So would I.” He reached out idly to brush a strand of hair from her cheek. “Not sure how we ended up facing off with lawyers, but I could do without that.”
She shuddered. “Same here. Even if our lawyers are my family and your friend, it’s still too stressful.”
“Look, JoJo.” He dropped his hand to her shoulder, his expression grave. “I meant what I said earlier. I intend to make regular child support payments. That’s bottom line, no argument. You can spend the money as needed or bank it for Simon or whatever you want. I trust you to do what’s best.”
“Fine,” she said, seeing that he wasn’t going to budge. This was obviously important to him. “You can start a new college fund for him.”
He gave a chuckle that sounded forced. “The way that kid’s going, he might need that in a couple years.”
She smiled faintly. “I don’t want to rush him through his childhood.”
“No. Let him enjoy every minute of it. God knows it doesn’t last long enough as it is.”
“No, it doesn’t,” she said, her voice suddenly thick as she thought about how quickly the past five years had sped past. How much Adam had missed in such a short time.
Adam exhaled then, as if reaching a decision. He took a step back, putting both physical and emotional distance between them when he said, “Anyway, I just want you to know that once Walt has set up the payments, his job for me is done. I don’t know how much longer I’ll hang around here, but wherever I end up, I’ll make sure you always have my contact information. You won’t have to worry about me causing any problems for you or Simon. Maybe you could text me a picture of him occasionally, let me know how he—how you’re both doing—but I won’t interfere in your plans.”
Frowning, she studied his stern profile. “I don’t understand. Are you saying you don’t want to be a part of Simon’s life?”
“I’m saying I don’t want to mess up his life. As I’ve pointed out, you and Simon are doing well. He doesn’t need an absentee dad he hardly knows popping in occasionally to confuse him. I told you I grew up that way, with a father who was little more than a stranger to me. I swore I’d never do that to a kid.”
She didn’t know how to feel about what he was saying. Was he really choosing not to be a father to Simon? To let them leave without making any plans for future visits?
She already knew Adam had issues with permanence, but really? How could he be around Simon and not fall in love with him? Not want to spend even more time with him?
It occurred to her that she should be relieved Adam wasn’t going to try to horn in on Simon’s childhood. That she wouldn’t have to put her son on a plane for court-ordered visitations, or share summers and holidays and other special occasions. Adam wouldn’t be a part of Simon’s life—or hers. Just the way it had always been. And that was fine. Right? She hadn’t really expected a few mind-blowing kisses to turn into a lifetime commitment, had she?
Why was she suddenly so sad? For Adam’s sake. For Simon’s. And for her own.
“It doesn’t have to be like that,” she said quietly. “There are ways to stay in touch, for you to be a father to Simon even if you live apart. It’s not ideal, but I know other long-distance parents who use video chats to stay in touch. Maybe if the technology had been available when you were a boy, you could have communicated more with your own father.”
His mouth twisted. “Phones existed. He knew how to use them. He didn’t bother. But I don’t want to talk about my father. He’s been dead for years, and I’ve been on my own since I was a teenager. I learned to like it that way.”
She’d never known anyone as proficient at sending mixed signals as Adam. He said he wasn’t sorry she was here, but he was already planning for her to leave. He said he trusted her, but he hired a lawyer. He spent time with Simon and seemed to enjoy it very much, but he didn’t want Simon to know who he was. He wanted to take care of his son’s financial needs, but he didn’t want to be a part of the boy’s future.
Maybe he was right to walk away again. If he could keep her this disoriented and conflicted, she could only imagine how confused a five-year-old would be. He was correct about that; Simon deserved more.
The saddest part was that she thought Adam deserved more, too. That he was capable of offering more. He was simply choosing not to.
She pushed back her hair. “We’ll have to tell him someday. He deserves the truth.”
He nodded, still without looking at her. “You’ll know when the time is right. Tell him—tell him I want him to have a great life. Tell him I knew you’d make sure he has everything he needs to be happy, safe and successful. Tell him he’s a lucky kid to have you for his mother, and I hope he never takes that for granted.”