His sister made it very clear that she wasn’t afraid of him, he mused.
Why the hell was Rachel?
FROM THE BIG WOODEN rocker on her grandmother’s front porch, Rachel could see the festive lights strung on the neighbors’ houses. Most had decorated lavishly for Christmas this year. The house next door had a Santa in a sleigh with all eight reindeer on the roof, surrounded by blinking lights and glittering illuminated “icicles.” Farther down the street, she spotted plastic snowmen, a couple of Nativity scenes, some animated carolers, and trees decorated with lights and ornaments.
Finding the festive display oddly depressing, Rachel looked away from the scene.
There were no colored lights on her grandmother’s house. Jenny Holder would be moving in less than a month, and hadn’t wanted to bother with Christmas decorations this year. Easily tired these days, she’d turned in early, leaving Rachel alone and wide-awake at just after 9:00 p.m. When the house had become too close and quiet, Rachel had pulled on her coat and come outside, hoping the night air would soothe her.
She knew she would never sleep as long as Lucas’s words kept echoing in her mind.
In my whole life, there have been only two people I would have died for. My sister is one. You’re the other.
Just as she couldn’t forget his words, she was haunted by the look on his face when he had asked her if she was afraid of him. When she had answered that she was.
She’d hurt him. As hard and intimidating as he’d appeared, she had hurt him with her candid, one-word answer. And now, idiot that she was, she was feeling guilty about it.
She didn’t owe Lucas McBride apologies or explanations, she reminded herself. Exactly the reverse was true. She’d had every reason to verbally flail him for the way he’d hurt her fifteen years ago—to tell him exactly what she thought of him for causing her so much pain. To say all the things she’d fantasized about saying on those nights when she’d lain awake, remembering and seething with anger.
How many times had she played that scene in her head during her college years, before she’d finally decided it was time to put the past behind her and build a life for herself?
But no matter how hard she tried, she couldn’t forget the way he’d looked when he’d walked out of that stone shelter.
RACHEL HAD NO WAY of knowing, of course, that Lucas would go to the rock house Tuesday morning. Even as she climbed over the gate and trudged down the path, she found herself hoping he wouldn’t be there.
At least she could have told herself that she’d made an effort to apologize.
But whatever impulse had forced her there that morning must have affected Lucas, as well. He stepped into the doorway just as Rachel reached it.
She couldn’t help studying his face, searching for the Lucas she’d known so long ago. Back then, he’d worn his toast-brown hair long and shaggy, as untamed as his reputation. It was cut somewhat more conservatively now, though still just shaggy enough to give a hint of the rebel he’d been. She saw no evidence of gray in the brown, which was rather unfair, since she’d found a few strands lately in her own dark hair.
Time and frowns had carved lines around his eyes and mouth, which only made his lean, angular face even more fascinating than she’d remembered.
He didn’t look particularly surprised by her appearance. Whether that was because he’d half expected her, or because he’d become so very good at masking his emotions, she didn’t know.
Now that she was here, she hadn’t the faintest idea what to say to him.
He had spoken first yesterday, when she’d been struck speechless by the sight of him. This time he was leaving it up to her. He crossed his arms over his chest and leaned against the doorway, looking prepared to stand there for hours if that’s what it took.
Rachel laced her fingers tightly in front of her and cleared her throat. “There’s something I need to say to you.”
He moved just a little. Bracing himself? She couldn’t tell from his expression.
“What is it?” His tone wasn’t encouraging.
“What I said yesterday—about being afraid of you—I didn’t mean it the way it sounded.”
“And how do you think it sounded?”
He wasn’t making this easy for her. She reminded herself that she didn’t have to do this. The way he was acting, it would serve him right if she turned and walked away without another word.
But she sensed that she had hurt him yesterday and she couldn’t help thinking part of his behavior was due to that. Lucas had always had a wild creature’s instinct to draw more deeply into himself when he was wounded.
It bothered her more than a little that she still knew him so well, even after trying so hard and for so long to put him out of her mind.
Her annoyance with his behavior gave strength to her voice. She lifted her chin and looked him in the eye. “You knew I would come, didn’t you? You were waiting for me.”
“How could I have known that? When I left you yesterday, you were cowering in fear of me.”