And wasn’t that the greatest prize of all?
Wasn’t that worth fighting for?
Kas made another noise, heart-wrenching and agonizing and my body made the final choice for me. I balled my hands and crossed through the games room back into the library.
He sat hunched over in the wingback, rocking over his broken arm as if it was the source of all his despair. His long hair obscured his face, his bare feet and casual clothing so at odds with the regal richness of this ivy-draped mansion. A book lay open on the floor by the wall, a dent in the hardcover binding.
My heart squeezed as I went to him.
He didn’t say a word as I hesitantly placed a hand on his shoulder and kneaded the tension in his muscle.
The connection.
The chemistry, kinship, and armistice that’d given us a fresh beginning last night could be found again. I merely had to be strong enough to survive him.
Slowly, he lifted his head, his good hand still locked over the cast I’d put on his arm. “I’m sorry.”
All the strength in my spine vanished, making me tremble before a new kind of power replaced it. This time, it was pure and possessive and I was ready to fight. I was no longer willing to let him take command and lead both of us into darkness. Here and now, I was in charge.
Moving to stand in front of him, I tipped his chin up with my fingers.
He sucked in a breath as he looked up; the open torture in his eyes undid me. He was a man stripping himself bare and reaching the same decision I had.
He needed help.
“If you want to know what happened last night, I will tell you everything. If it’s too hard to hear, then I won’t. It’s enough for me to know that it happened. It will be the rock I’ll cling to when times get hard. When you say things that hurt me, I’ll remember your whispers in the bath. When you upset me, I’ll recall the level of intensity that brought us together. But I must warn you, Kassen, things will be different from now on.”
I cupped his cheek, stroking his scruff. “Last night, you gave me the right to use your name. You dropped your walls and let me in. You showed me who I’m fighting for. And in doing so, we became friends. You don’t need to remember. You don’t even have to accept what I’m saying is real. You just have to...see me. See me and you’ll eventually figure out what is true.”
He frowned, raising his hand to cup mine over his cheek. He linked our fingers together, holding me tight. “I don’t know if I can.”
“Try.”
He flinched, his gaze dancing over mine. “What if this keeps happening? What if I keep forgetting?”
“Then I’ll just keep reminding you.”
“What if I don’t believe you?”
“Eventually, you will. You’ll learn to trust me.”
“Trust you?” His eyes narrowed. “How the hell am I supposed to do that when you keep telling me I’m temporary.”
“Ah, so you do remember some things.”
His jaw tightened. “I remember that you held a knife to my heart. I lined it up for you. I told you to push.”
I stilled, working back through time and trying to figure out when Kas’s memory had faltered. “Is that the last thing you recall happening between us?”
He fell silent, tugging at certain strings in his mind until he found one with substance. The range of emotions that scattered over his face was fascinating. Rage, worry, anger until finally, trepidation mixed with hesitation. “I think so. We...we were in the foyer. I took your knife and held it over my heart and told you to kill me now instead of making me work my ass off for the next few months only to kill me as winter arrived.”
I winced.
If that was true, he’d erased almost twenty-four hours. Twenty-four hours where we’d worked our way closer and triumphed over what was keeping us apart.
Who knew if those memories were still inside him or if they’d been totally wiped away? Either way, we were back at the starting line.
Silence reigned until he coughed gruffly. “Do you wish you’d done it?”
“Done what?” I blinked.
“Taken me up on my offer.” He dropped his stare to his hands. “Do you wish you’d pushed that blade into my heart?”
A strange kind of laughter bubbled in my chest. No sane person could ask that after what we’d shared last night. Which only made sadness smother my laughter because for now, Kas wasn’t sane. And I couldn’t tell him the truth. I couldn’t crawl into his lap and murmur that I was in love with him. He couldn’t know just how much I cared because I had an awful suspicion that my affection for him would drive him deeper into his mind.