“I’d stay if you asked. If you needed me.” A big part of him wanted Brandt to say yes, yes, he needed Shane. Staying might be as hard as going, but he’d do it for Brandt. Need me. Want me. His chest clanged like a cymbal, quaver running through his body like his heart had taken a direct hit.
“What I need is for you to go win.” Eyes still sad, Brandt nevertheless managed a smile. Maybe he wasn’t ever going to need Shane in the same way that Shane needed him. And Shane better get okay with that because the guy had enough stress. He didn’t need Shane clinging to his leg.
“I’ll do my best.”
“You always do.” Brandt traced Shane’s lower lip with his thumb. “Don’t look so sad.”
“Trying. But it hurts,” he admitted in a whisper.
“It doesn’t have to.” Voice way firmer than Shane’s, Brandt moved his hands to Shane’s shoulders.
“How do you figure that?” That Brandt wasn’t more broken up about this was its own pain, how easily he could let go.
“You could try trusting that this thing between us can still work out.” Brandt’s mouth twisted around a heavy sigh. “Somehow.”
“You’re going to be the one advocating patience now?” There were certain depths of optimism that Shane couldn’t reach and this was one. Brandt wanting it to work out made warmth race up Shane’s spine, but there was a Crater Lake–size gap between wanting and having.
“Guess I am. I’m not giving you up that easily.” Brandt stroked Shane’s hair, and he leaned into the contact. Smart thing would be to pull away, to not chase false hope and to let Brandt go completely. But hell if he could do anything other than close his eyes and let Brandt pet him.
“The odds aren’t great.”
“Fuck the odds.” Brandt’s hand stilled and his tone hardened. “I’ve made a career out of taking losing bets and long odds. I’m betting on us figuring something out.”
“Hope you’re right.” Only a foolish man would put money on that proposition. But what choice did he have? If Brandt truly wanted him to go, then he’d go. He’d sing what was left of his heart out because it was all he knew how to do. But trust? He wasn’t sure he could do that.
Chapter Twenty-Five
“Where’s Shane?” The sun was fully shining when Shelby finally migrated from the couch to the kitchen. She didn’t wait for an invitation before pouring herself some of the coffee Brandt had started hours earlier. She was bleary eyed despite the hours of sleep and seemed more focused on doctoring her cup of coffee than paying attention to the baby hanging out in the sling on Brandt’s chest. And she seemed more wary than concerned about Shane’s whereabouts.
“On his way to Portland.” He hadn’t expected Shane to leave so soon after their talk the night before. He’d thought they might have more time. Hell, that was an entire mood right there. All Brandt needed was more time. More time with Shane. More time to figure out how to deal with Shelby. More time to work out his own future.
Everything was happening too fast. Including Shane’s quick exit. They’d hung out, miserable together, in the sunroom, and he’d been about to say fuck it and tell Shane to sleep in Brandt’s bed where he belonged when he’d said he’d rather stay in the RV, get an early start to Portland. But seeing as Brandt was the one loudly advocating for him to go, he hadn’t felt he could argue with that. And when Brandt had woken up with Jewel at dawn, Shane was gone.
“He has a chance at a national TV competition.” He pushed a bag of bagels Shelby’s direction.
“Oh.” Shelby made a perfect circle with her mouth before exhaling hard. “That and he’s mad at me.”
Huh. He didn’t know how to respond to that. He really didn’t want to start the morning with an argument, but he also couldn’t lie. “He’s not happy.”
“I know. I screwed up.” Ignoring the food, Shelby leaned heavily against the counter. She said it like it was an inevitable truth, but Brandt could see the trap looming if he agreed too readily. He took a long sip of lukewarm coffee and patted Jewel a few times while trying for a moderately upbeat tone.
“The nice thing about mistakes is that you don’t have to keep making them.”
“Not for me.” Shelby made a sour face. “I always fuck up and make things worse.”
“But you came back.” And now they all had to deal with her presence, but maybe better now than later. And maybe this was her taking baby steps to making amends.
“I’m still not sure why I bothered.” Shelby poked a hole in that theory with her gloomy tone. “You and Shane seem to have it all under control.”