“Uh-huh.” Linc groaned. “Blowing up my phone too. Wants assurances that we’re okay.”
“I better call her in a minute.” He typed out a fast reply to that effect. “I’m telling her we’re okay, but she’s gonna want to hear my voice.”
“Are we?” Linc’s eyes were serious. “Are we okay? I know you need to call her, but I don’t like leaving things like this. You’ve put me off all day, tried to keep me from telling you that I want another shot. Give me a chance to make things right. Please.”
“This is near-death talk. You’re full of regrets and reflection right now, but you don’t really want...” He trailed off, unable to keep voicing his deepest fears, even as part of him thrilled to Linc’s words.
“I love you.” Linc’s tone was deadly serious, eyes hard. “And I knew that before today, so stop with me not knowing my mind.”
“Yeah? Well, if you loved me yesterday, why the hell wasn’t that enough?” Jacob’s voice broke on the question, and he had to drop Linc’s hand and look away. And fuck, Jacob had waited years to hear those words. He should be fucking giddy. But now that they were here, Linc actually saying them, he was anything other than ecstatic. Couldn’t trust it to be real. To last. To matter. “Why wasn’t that enough before we had to almost fucking die?”
“Because I am a cowardly bastard. You were right about that. But I want a chance to be something more than that. I’m not asking you for things to go back to how they were. Just give me a shot to be what you need. To show you that I’m serious about changing. Don’t leave. Not now.”
“I’m not leaving.” Jacob scrubbed at his hair. Hell if he could ignore a plea like that even if he was still hurt and angry and more than a little confused. “I mean, I need to go find enough signal to call Mom. But I’ll be back.”
“And?” Linc prompted.
“I guess we’ll see. I can’t go back, Linc. I just can’t. Not now. I wish I could. But I also know I can’t quit you, can’t give up hope that maybe...” He inhaled sharply, hating how each word felt like jagged metal against his tongue, truths that hurt to share.
“Just don’t quit me, okay?” Linc reached for his uninjured hand again, and Jacob let him take it. “We’ll work it out. All of it. Just don’t give up. Not yet.”
“I won’t.” And as he squeezed Linc’s hand, he knew he wouldn’t. Wouldn’t give up on Linc, not yet, maybe not ever. Wouldn’t give up hope until the last pebble of it was crushed and scattered to the wind, but hell, this was gonna hurt if Linc was wrong, if he woke up tomorrow and all his old reasons and concerns took priority again. Trust was in short supply, but even so, his heart knew what it knew. He wasn’t going anywhere.
Chapter Twenty-Two
“So...how much trouble are we in?” Linc forced a smile as Jacob returned to the visitor’s chair after calling his mom. He’d come back as promised. That was what mattered right then.
“Had to work overtime convincing her not to make the drive right now. I’d put money on her coming to see you first thing. I’m not sure who she’s more upset about honestly, you or me. You always were her favorite.” Jacob gave a weary shrug. “And of course she’s broken up about Garrick. She’s grieving Wyatt all over again too, I’m sure. And fuck, I hate making her worry like this. I wish what I want for me didn’t have to be so bad for everyone else.”
Linc knew he wasn’t just talking about smoke jumping and his career choice. “Hey, now. It doesn’t.”
“I hate hurting people. Her. May. You.”
“What you want...that’s not that unreasonable.” He cast around for Jacob’s hand again, gratified when Jacob let him take it. “You’re allowed to have wants and needs. Big dreams even.”
“Yeah.” Jacob met Linc’s gaze and held. “I’ve wanted this for so long.”
Again, Linc knew he wasn’t only talking about his job. “I know. And I’m sorry. For all of it. For not being more supportive of you joining the smoke-jumping team. For making you wait so long for...everything else.”
“You did,” Jacob agreed, voice milder than Linc probably deserved.
“I’m sorry. And I don’t have the all answers. But I’m working on it. And I’m done making you wait,” he said firmly, squeezing Jacob’s hand in a light massage. He’d showered at some point, was back in rumpled civilian clothing, and he looked utterly exhausted.
“Thanks.” Jacob yawned and shifted in the chair. “And it’s not all on you. Maybe we can find the answers together.”
“Yeah. And speaking of answers, how are you getting back to your place?”
“Dunno.” Jacob stretched his legs in front of him. “Don’t much care. Someone from the crew will turn up sooner or later. I’ll catch a ride back. Or mom in the morning. I know she’s not going to be able to hold out checking on you. You said you’re under observation. So consider me here to observe.”