“Junior helped.” Jenna laughed as he studied the cake. Her love for Jacob shone through with each dish, each little detail of the gathering. Maybe...
“So, I have a bone to pick with you.” She leaned against the counter, and just like that, his stomach sank and any last whimsical impulses he had fled. “You still haven’t talked Jacob out of this whole smoke-jumper phase.”
“Uh...” Linc didn’t really have a good answer for that as he hadn’t truly tried to change Jacob’s mind in weeks, more wrapped up in other concerns like keeping their affair private and trying to hoard their limited time together.
“I mean, don’t get me wrong, it’s lovely to see you guys getting along again. But, I was counting on you. I thought for sure he wouldn’t make it out of training. And now fire season is here and...” Wringing her hands, she gave a helpless-sounding sigh.
“You’re worried,” he finished for her. And he couldn’t help but wonder if she’d be as happy about them getting along if she knew the full truth. “I get it. And I’m sorry. Sorry if I’ve let you down. He does seem rather hell-bent on this career choice.”
“You haven’t let me down.” Closing her eyes, she took a long sip of her orange juice. “Just promise me that you’ll keep him safe.”
“I...” Fuck. Could he really promise that? When he had failed with Wyatt? It didn’t matter how many times people said it wasn’t his fault. He wore that failure on his soul, a scuff mark that wasn’t ever going away. “I’ll do my best.”
And that best might not be enough. And that sucked. Hell. He’d managed to not dwell on the risks in weeks, not think about what it would mean if Jacob was hurt on his watch. What it would mean to this family. To him, personally. It would be like losing the sun. Impossible to go on. Merely thinking about it made his sternum ache, shoulders tensing as he tried to hold back the impulse to curl up, let the anxiety take over. It probably wasn’t healthy, but the only way he was managing to cope was to pretend those risks didn’t exist. But Jenna’s shrewd gaze and nervous eyes wouldn’t let him now and the pain—literal, physical pain—was almost more than he could stand.
“I know you will.” Reaching out, Jenna patted his arm. “I trust you. Always have.”
Knife. Heart. Twisting. She trusted him. And how was he repaying that trust? Hell, he hadn’t even tried that hard to talk Jacob out of the job. He’d been way too preoccupied with getting in Jacob’s pants and not nearly focused enough on his obligations to this family, to Jenna specifically. She was trusting him to do the right thing. And hell if he even knew what that right thing was anymore. But whatever he’d been doing clearly wasn’t it—fucking around with Jacob, knowing full well that they were both going to be hurting come fall. And the right thing definitely wasn’t continuing despite knowing there wasn’t a damn soul who’d approve of what they were doing.
He needed to—
“Whoa! Come back here!” Jacob sped through, chasing after one of the toddlers, stopping long enough to grin at Linc and his mom before he scooped the little girl up. “Prisoner escaped. Gotta return her to Jon, but are we going to do the cake soon? Please?”
“You always get your way.” Jenna laughed, affection clear in her eyes.
“Yup. And you love me for it.” And he clearly meant his pouting look for his mom, all pursed mouth and puppy dog eyes, but Linc had to stop his hand from clenching his fork in two. He was powerless to deny this man anything. Hell, Jacob didn’t even need to turn that look on Linc. He had him. Completely. And therein lay Linc’s entire problem. He didn’t want to let go, didn’t want to listen to logic, and even guilt and obligation might not be enough to make him quit Jacob.
* * *
“Finally! Some real action!” Garrick sounded far too gleeful given the circumstances.
“Thought we weren’t supposed to celebrate a callout.” Not that Jacob wasn’t also hyped, but he was trying to rein in the adrenaline and also have the necessary respect for what the job and the situation required.
“There’s no shame in loving our work.” Garrick winked at him, good mood contagious enough that Jacob had to smile back as they worked on assembling their gear. A fire was raging to the south and west of them on state lands. An unattended campfire had led to the situation, and the ground hotshot crews had been at it all day. Another smoke-jumping crew had already been deployed, and now Jacob’s group was preparing for their turn. They needed to be ready to fly with only a five-minute warning once the command decided where they could do the most good.