“It’s the only answer I’ve got.” Linc sounded as resigned as Jacob felt, which strangely strengthened his resolve. Linc was hurting, and if this helped, then Jacob was powerless to say no. “Only thing that makes sense, not that any of this does, not really.”
“Well, either way, we’re screwed. Might as well be the fun kind.” He forced his voice to be light, knowing that was what Linc expected of him. He wasn’t supposed to be the emo, pensive one. He was supposed to be leaping at the idea of more sex with Linc. It wasn’t enough, wasn’t ever going to be enough. But whatever. He’d take what he could now, worry about the autumn and what was sure to be left later.
Chapter Ten
“Yeah. Might as well.” Linc gave Jacob a tight smile. It was possibly the stupidest plan he’d ever had, but it was the best he could manage. The alternative was to quit now, hit the road, hope to catch on with another smoke-jumping base, but he’d be leaving a lot of people in the lurch. And the dogs. They made everything more complicated, but it wasn’t like he was leaving them behind either. No, it was better that he see the season out, then find a situation for him and the dogs that better suited them, away from all these blasted memories. Close enough so that maybe he could see Jenna and the family every once in a blue moon. If they’d have him. If this thing with Jacob didn’t blow up in all their faces first.
And yes, the smartest thing would be to get Jacob moved to a different crew, but apparently lust had addled what remained of his brains. Because right now, the best plan seemed to be to get through the summer, keep Jacob alive at work, carry on with him enough in private to loosen this hold they had on each other and make the work easier and the moving on more realistic. He wasn’t being cutesy—he really did think Jacob had a point. Maybe if they fucked around enough this...fixation would end.
And maybe Bandit and Shadow would start flying around their dog run. But it was worth a shot. And at this point, anything that got him more Jacob was worth all the rationalization and justification.
“If that’s settled...” Jacob glanced over his shoulder at the door. He seemed to be as reluctant as Linc to continue the deep talk. “I believe I was promised couch sex, but you’ve got old-man recovery issues and I don’t want to overstay my welcome—”
“Simmer down.” Linc forced himself to smile, to reach for the lightness that was never that far away when Jacob was around. “I’ll feed you. We’ll get to the other.”
“I don’t want to keep taking your food,” Jacob protested even as he followed Linc toward the kitchen.
“Sorry. Pizza won’t deliver this far out, and I’m hungry. You can cope with your guilt by helping me cook.” Both dogs followed along to the kitchen, undoubtedly sensing that human food was in the offing. After washing his hands and getting his clothes back to rights, he turned back to Jacob. “You wanna start by helping feed these beasts?”
“Sure.” Jacob threw a few toys for them while Linc changed out the water and set out the chow.
“Go get it! Come on! You can do it!” Jacob’s laughter filled the crisp spring air. He was so good at being playful with the dogs, and they ate it up, chasing down the toys and dancing around in front of him. As he watched them, Linc’s chest grew uncomfortably tight. He was used to the bolts of lust where Jacob was concerned, but these other, softer emotions always took him by surprise, made him simultaneously want to run but also to wrap the moment up, tuck it away in his memory banks.
Back in the kitchen, Jacob helped him decide on hash—homegrown potatoes from his bin, onions, leftover meat and some of the eggs. It felt way too cozy, cooking for two, Jacob taking his directions on chopping, hips and shoulders bumping in the small kitchen, dogs still making pests of themselves as the two of them worked and talked food, him giving Jacob ideas for easy suppers and Jacob waxing poetic about the diner food he didn’t often allow himself.
It felt suspiciously like a date, not that Linc had had a ton of those. They were supposed to be fucking. Not dating. But as with the night before, feeding him felt...right. Talking together was almost as good as fucking, simply hanging out together, doing what he’d denied himself anything other than small tastes for years. Much as he didn’t want to admit it, maybe he needed these quieter moments too.
“So...” Jacob paused as he set the plates on the breakfast bar. “If I show up to run on Sunday...you gonna kick me to the curb?”