But as he fell into the sweet, seductive rhythm of loving her, it was as if there had been no one before, would be no one after. Only the texture of her skin would stay in his memory, the taste of her mouth, the sound of her sigh.
And as she rose to meet him in that fluid movement of comfortable sex, part of his mind fretted that he would never want, could never want, anyone else.
Even as he tumbled over that last edge of pleasure, he held himself back from a bigger, more dangerous fall.
Chapter 9
I’ve now had three events at the farm. The last was during the night. I felt such grief, such tearing grief. There was a candle by the bed, burning. For a moment, I thought there was a figure standing by the window. Just standing, looking out at the night. While the grief was in me, it was also there, shimmering around that figure. A shared, yet separate, pain. I thought it was Shane, and started to get out of bed to go to him. But he was asleep beside me. And there was no one standing there at all.
I knew, clearly, that it was John and Sarah, and that their son was dead. I knew this even before Shane stirred restlessly beside me. He dreams, as I do, and he feels, as I do, but he doesn’t want to speak of it. They’re part of him, the people who lived here, who remain here in some fashion. Not only through blood, but through spirit. I wonder why they seem to be part of me, as well.
It upsets him, so I didn’t tell him. Perhaps this is wrong. It’s certainly unprofessional. But I’m learning that love has its own way. I love him so much, and in my own limited fashion would protect him from what haunts him.
I wonder what his feelings are for me, but I don’t ask. I have to protect myself, as well. I can talk to him about anything but that. Anything at all. And I never run out of words. He’s in the fields now. There is always so much work that must be done, yet he never seems to
tire of it, or resent it. For myself, in this first, dizzying rush of love, I realize I could spend every second of every day with him and still not have enough time. It’s a wonderful, liberating and humbling thing, this love. I’m so grateful I’ve had the chance to experience it.
If I could, I would take one moment, any single moment at all that I’ve had with him, crystallize it, preserve it, and carry it with me. Then, in all the years to come, I could take it out, not just to remember, but to relive.
Love gives you the oddest fantasies.
Rebecca heard the bark of the dogs, and the voices. Like a woman hiding a secret treasure, she saved her document and changed screens. Devin opened the door, followed by boys and dogs and all the noise that comes with them.
“Sorry. Didn’t mean to bust in on you.”
“That’s all right.” Automatically she lowered a hand to rub at the dogs, who came to greet her. “I was just finished.”
“Cassie’s just like the rest of the women in the county. Figures Shane must be starving.” He set a dish on the counter. “She sent over an apple cobbler.”
“It’s great,” Bryan informed Rebecca. “We had some of the other one she made already.” Obviously at home, he poked into the refrigerator.
“Are you writing your book?” Connor approached more slowly, his eyes on her laptop.
“Not right now. Do you use a computer?”
He was studying hers with naked envy. “We get to use them in school sometimes. But they’re not like this one.”
“This one’s loaded. Want to try it?”
He goggled. “Really?” He looked at his father, then put his hands behind his back. “I don’t know how to work this kind.”
“Nothing to it.” Recognizing the look in his eyes, she laughed and took his hand to draw him closer. “I can show you. I’ve got everything backed up.”
“Now you’ve done it,” Devin murmured. “He’s going to start pining for one.”
“I can get you a deal on a used one.” With a grin, she rose and pointed at her chair. “Sit down and give it a go. You must know the basic functions.”
“Sure.” The first thing he did was type his name. Connor MacKade.
“Does it play any games?” Bryan wanted to know.
“Nope. It’s just a workhorse.”
Losing interest immediately, Bryan cast his eyes on the cobbler.
“Forget it,” Devin warned. “We came by to give Shane a hand with the haying,” he told Rebecca. “You can expect the rest to descend before long.”
“Oh.” She glanced toward the window. “He’s out there now, mowing it.”