“It was shock as much as grief, wasn’t it?” Nicole said from experience.
“I was stunned. I couldn’t believe it was true, but the man had seen both of them taken from the river. All I could think was that when I returned to Arundel Hall, it would be empty. My parents were gone, and now James and Beth were gone. I thought about remaining in England, having Horace sell the plantation.”
“But
Bianca was there.”
“Yes, Bianca was there. I began to think that Beth wasn’t really gone, that it was an omen that news of her death reached me while I was near a woman so like her. At least I thought Bianca was like her. All I could do was stare at her and tell myself that Beth was still alive, at least someone I loved was still with me. I asked Bianca to marry me. I wanted her to return to Virginia with me so I wouldn’t have to enter an empty house, but she said she needed time. I had no time. I knew I needed to go home. Knowing that Bianca was going to join me soon, I felt I could face the plantation, and I hoped the work would help me forget.”
“Nothing can make you forget.”
He kissed her forehead. “I did the work of two men, three maybe, but nothing could even dull the pain. I stayed away from the house as much as possible. The emptiness of the place screamed at me. The neighbors tried to help, they even tried to find me a wife, but I only wanted things the way they were.”
“You wanted Beth and James back.”
“Every day, the idea of Beth once again sitting beside me grew stronger and stronger. I accepted James’s death, but I was haunted by Bianca. I thought she could replace Beth.”
“So you arranged for her to be kidnapped and brought to you.”
“Yes. It was a desperate measure, but I felt desperate, like I was going crazy.”
Nicole moved her cheek against his chest. “No wonder you were so angry when you found out I’d been married to you instead of Bianca. You were expecting a tall blonde, and you got—”
“A little dark beauty with a funny mouth,” he laughed. “If you’d taken a pistol to me, I’d have deserved it. I put you through a lot then.”
“But you were expecting Bianca!” she said in his defense, lifting her head to look at him.
He pushed her back to his shoulder. “Thank God I didn’t get her! I was a fool to think any human could replace another.”
His words sent a thrill through her. “Do you still love Bianca?”
“I never did. I know that now. All I saw was her resemblance to Beth. Even when she came here, I never listened to her or thought about her as anything except Beth. Yet even in that state of ignorance, I knew something was wrong. I thought that when Bianca was in my house everything would be all right again, that I would feel like I did when Beth was alive.”
“But you didn’t?” Nicole said with hope in her voice.
“I have you to thank for that. Even though I say I didn’t hear Bianca, I think that some part of my small brain must have. All I knew was that I didn’t want to return home at night, that I was working harder than I ever had in the last year. But when you were living in the house, I wanted to come home. When Bianca was at the house, I preferred the fields, especially the fields closest to the mill.”
Nicole smiled and kissed his chest through his shirt. His words were the most wonderful she’d ever heard.
“It took Wes to knock some sense into me,” he continued. “When Wes first saw Bianca, I could see how he was affected. I felt justified then for having her in my house and not you. I knew Wes would understand.”
“I don’t think Wesley likes Bianca.”
Clay chuckled and kissed the tip of her nose. “That’s a polite way of putting it. When he told me he thought she was a vain, arrogant bitch, I hit him. It made me sick, and I didn’t know if I was sick from hitting my friend or from hearing the truth. I left the house and didn’t return for two days. I had a lot of thinking to do. It took me a while, but I began to see what I’d done. And I made myself face the fact that Beth was dead. I’d tried to bring her back through Bianca, but that couldn’t work. What I had, but had ignored for the most part, was the twins. If James and Beth still lived, it was through their children and not some stranger. If I wanted to give Beth anything, it would be a good mother for the twins she loved so much, and not one who knocked Alex in the water because he tore her dress.”
“How did you know about that?”
“Roger, Janie, Maggie, Luke,” he said with disgust. “Everyone seemed to think it was his duty to tell me about Bianca. They’d all known Beth, and I guess they could sense that most of my attraction to her lay in that resemblance.”
“Why did you ask me to the party?” she asked, holding her breath.
He laughed and hugged her tightly. “When it comes to brains, I think we have equally small ones. When I realized that I was trying to replace Beth with Bianca, I also knew why I spent so much time staring at the mill wharf—which needs repairing, I might add. There’s a sawmill on the other side of the Backes’s plantation.”
“Clay!”
He laughed again. “I love you. Didn’t you know that? Everyone else did.”
“No,” she whispered. “I wasn’t sure.”