“I think you should feel so certain of me that you know I could walk into a room full of naked women and all I’d think about was you.”
“Even I know that in New Orleans that’s possible, so I’d better not hear from Nate that you decided to test that theory.”
When Alex was silent, Cay tried to come up with a logical reason of why she must go with him, but she couldn’t think of one. All she felt was blinding, heart-piercing emotion. “You are in love with her. You’re deeply and passionately in love with her. I know you are.”
“No, I’m not. I hardly know her.”
“You told me a person doesn’t have to know everything about someone to be in love with her or him. You even made fun of my lists. That woman makes your blood boil! You said so yourself.”
“And may I cut out my tongue for having done so,” Alex said. “Cay, lass, don’t you know what I’ve learned in these last weeks? What you have taught me? I’ve learned that love is more than just passion. It’s caring about someone, knowing her, and overlooking her faults because you love her so very much. It’s more than just looking at a beautiful woman with a glorious bosom and thinking that you’ll die if you don’t go to bed with her. It’s—” One glance at Cay’s face told him that he’d made a mistake.
Cay got out of the bed and stood by it, looking down at him. She was wearing her dirty boy’s clothes, and she could feel the grime in her hair, but Alex was fresh and clean. “So you’re saying that I have faults while she has a . . . What did you say? A ‘glorious bosom.’ And she’s beautiful, is she? Always well dressed, is she?”
Alex put his hands behind his head and looked up at the ceiling. He knew he was in for a bout of Cay’s anger and he’d just have to wait it out.
“I’ll have you know that when I met you I was well dressed. I had on a silk gown that cost more than some houses, and I had diamonds in my hair. Does your wife”—she sneered the word—“have diamonds to wear in her hair? And the reason I’ve had to wear boy’s clothing and bind my not so ‘glorious’ bosom has been to save your worthless, ungrateful neck. Maybe you think all women should prance around in silk and ribbons, bu
t I couldn’t because you needed my help. Did your precious Lilith ever help you? No, she did not. She was the reason people threw rocks at you. Might I remind you that if it hadn’t been for me, you would be dead now.”
Alex sighed, his eyes still on the ceiling. “You’re not going with me and that’s final.”
Cay flopped down on the bed beside him, all her anger gone. “I could wear boy’s clothes that you’ve now decided you despise. I won’t be the great beauty that that woman is, but I’d be there with you.”
“No,” Alex said as he swung off the bed and stood up. “You’re going to go back to Virginia and stay there. When this mess is finished, I’ll . . .” He looked at her.
“You’ll what? Come for me? Did you ever think that while you’re with her I might meet a man who also has some glorious body parts, and I’ll run off to a plantation in Florida with him?”
Alex gave an amused half smile. “And which body parts would that be, lass?”
“The one you love the best,” she shot back at him.
Alex frowned. He’d thought she meant a man’s face, but she was talking about going to bed with other men. “You must do what you think is right,” he said tightly.
Cay went up to her knees and threw her arms around his neck. “Alex, don’t leave me behind. You and I have been through so much together, and we’ve stood it all. This is just one of those times.”
Alex held her tightly. “Do you think I want to go without you? I can’t imagine waking up without you there. In those days when you were in Eli’s tent, I thought I was going to go mad.”
“That was just Tim’s snores driving you crazy,” she said, her face nuzzled in his neck.
“No,” he said softly. “It was more than that. You make me whole.”
“You mean because you lost so much in the trial? I know I make you laugh.”
“You make me . . .” He pulled her arms from around his neck so he could look at her. “You’re correct when you say that now I have no right to tell you what I feel about you and what I hope will happen between us. Right now I’m a married man and I’m still hunted by the law. Until I can come to you pure, and clean, I can’t allow myself to say all the things I want to, to tell you what you mean to me.”
He glanced down at her stomach. “Is it possible that you’re . . . ?”
“No, I’m not,” she said, and there were tears in her voice. She’d started her monthly flow yesterday. She would like nothing more than to tell him she was carrying his child, so he had to return to her.
Alex’s face showed as much disappointment as hers did. Bending, he looked into her eyes. “What is it that you’re really afraid of?”
“That you’ll see her great beauty and realize that you’ve loved her forever.”
He smiled. “I find that highly unlikely. What if an alligator runs through the dining room? Who’s going to help me get rid of it? And what about large, poisonous vipers? You’re the snake charmer.”
Cay didn’t smile. “You married the most poisonous serpent of all, and I’m better at jokes than you are.”
“Aye, lass, I did and you are. You’re better at a lot of things than I am. When I think back on it, I marvel at my arrogance when I thought I could best you at drawing. Beat you at anything, for that matter.”