Now, I knew his worst days were before he’d even gone to prison.
“They usually left me alone, but one day, someone worked up the nerve to rip all the pages out of one of my books. They were the only thing that kept me sane in that place, the only thing with a little bit of order. I saw red. Beat him unconscious. I would have killed him if someone hadn’t pulled me off him. I remember looking down at myself, covered in his blood and mine from a cut on my arm.” He let out a bitter laugh. “And all for a fucking book.
“That’s when I promised myself I was leaving. I was going to build a life for myself, somewhere far from that prison, and somewhere no one would dare touch my shit. I planned out everything from that moment on.” His eyes met mine. “Even down to the type of woman I would marry.”
I swallowed, knowing I wasn’t what he’d envisioned.
“Looking back, I realize the fight started a riot. The place had always been a chaotic mess in my mind that I hadn’t even noticed at the time. I picked up the book and pages, preoccupied with figuring out how to tell the nurse what happened and dreading she wouldn’t bring me more.
“I don’t know her name. I can’t even tell you what color hair she had, malyshka. That’s how little I looked at her.”
The fact he’d always noticed when I changed my hair seemed so much more significant now. A heaviness tugged at my chest.
“I returned her book. And she stitched up my arm. Her hand was shaking slightly. I thought she was nervous to be alone with me—there wasn’t a guard at the door due to the riot. But I soon learned that wasn’t the case when she rested her hand on my dick.”
My breathing slowed, my heart wanting to stop him and my brain demanding he continue.
“She leaned in to kiss me, but I turned my head. I thought for sure she wouldn’t be interested after that. But it didn’t seem to sway her.” He ran a hand across his jaw. “I didn’t use a condom with her, malyshka. And I can’t even say she was the only one. A few days later, when one of the guards escorted me to the medical ward, pushed me in the room, and shut the door, she wasn’t alone. Another woman was with her—”
“Okay, I’ve heard enough.”
Only this man would be offered a threesome in prison at fifteen. I wanted to rip those women’s hair out. They must have been significantly older than him.
“I’m clean, Gianna. I’ll show you the paperwork if you want to see it. As for children, I don’t have any that I know of.”
I was slightly overwhelmed with what he’d shared with me, even though I knew he was still holding something back. This wasn’t what he’d been hiding from me two days ago. He was merely offering an olive branch. I didn’t believe I had it in me to demand more from him right now, not with that slightly desperate look in his eyes, begging me to accept what he was telling me. I knew he hated delving into his past. It was messy, and he liked all his things lined up neat in a row. And he’d gone in deep for me.
I pulled myself out of the pool, water sluicing down my skin as I padded over to stand between his legs. I ran a hand into his hair, and a rough noise sounded low in his throat. He grabbed my hips, pulled me closer, and pressed his face against my stomach.
“Fuck, I missed you, malyshka.”
Water dripped off my body, soaking his suit. My throat felt tight as warmth and relief coalesced in my chest.
“I apologize for making you leave.”
“Don’t ever do it again.”
“I won’t.”
He gripped the backs of my thighs, lifting me up to straddle him. It brought our faces close together.
I leaned closer, until our lips were a hair’s breadth apart.
“Why do you kiss me?”
I sighed into his mouth when he kissed me with a sweet pull. “Because you’re the only woman who’s ever tempted me.” His lips brushed mine. “Because you love it.” The last one was soft, with a possessive bite. “Because every part of you is mine.”
I’D MADE A MISCALCULATION.
I couldn’t say it happened often, but the mistake was glaringly obvious in the lotions, hair products, and perfumes that were scattered across the bathroom counter. It looked like a beauty salon threw up in here.
I’d thought I could keep her separate, in a box of her own, all neat and tidy like the rest of my things. She’d already occupied my mind, been so deep beneath my skin, but, fuck, now she was everywhere else, too. My kitchen, my bathroom, my bed.
Surprisingly, all the shit she left lying around didn’t bother me like I’d always thought it would. Occasionally, it made the back of my neck itch—like how she left the toothpaste cap open every time she used it—though, I found it more bothersome when she wasn’t around. So bothersome I was fucking apologizing to her to make her come back. Things had gotten ridiculously out of hand.
I gripped the edge of the sink. I was in this deep, and a cold sweat drifted down my back at the thought of how it would end. It would never be over for me—I’d known that going in—and the only peace I’d found was believing I could make her stay with me whether she liked it or not. But now, a feeling in my chest grew heavy every time I looked at her. I didn’t believe I could bear to see her unhappy. And that complicated things.
My gaze met Gianna’s in the mirror as she showed up in the doorway. She wore one of my long-sleeve t-shirts, and the collar was slipping off her shoulder.