The first lash hit her back and Kiarra screamed at the burning pain. The guard hit her again, and again, never lashing at a predictable beat, which made the torture worse than anything she’d ever imagined.
Her body finally numbed, but she couldn’t stop her tears. And as blood trickled down her sides to the table, pooling around her just like her tears, Kiarra wanted nothing more than to die.
Kiarra bolted upright in bed, choking back the remnants of a scream. She looked around the unfamiliar room, but when she saw Jaxton leaning over her, Kiarra closed her eyes and took a deep breath.
It’d only been a dream.
She couldn’t remember the last time she’d dreamed of her first whipping.
“Bloody hell, Kiarra, what were you screaming about?”
She looked up and saw Jaxton’s scowl. If not for the concern in his eyes, she would’ve thought he’d forgotten about last night.
Last night. No doubt her memories of the head warden had triggered the dreams again.
She mentally cursed the head warden, and by extension, Ty Adams. The two of them had robbed her of a wonderful night spent in Jaxton’s arms. His warm body had made her feel safe, and while part of her wanted to curl up against his chest, she wouldn’t allow her past to taint and possibly destroy whatever kind of chance she had with Jaxton. The last thing she wanted from him was pity; she would sort out her mind first, and seek comfort later.
“Kiarra?”
Jaxton brushed her bangs to the side and his touch intensified her urge to jump into his arms, but she steeled her resolve. “It was just a dream. Nothing you need to worry about.”
“Bollocks. You were tossing and turning before you screamed loud enough to wake the dead.” He put a finger under her chin. “You can tell me anything, pet, because if you can’t learn to trust somebody, you’ll never be a full-fledged member of DEFEND.”
She shook her head and dislodged Jaxton’s finger from her skin. Each time he was kind to her, it weakened her resolve. “You don’t understand.”
Jaxton sat down on the bed, next to Kiarra’s hip, and put a hand on her cheek. “Talking about your demons helps to chuck them out for good. You need to tell somebody, so tell me.” The indecision in Kiarra’s eyes tore at his heart. “I won’t judge you, if that’s what you’re worried about.”
“Why should I trust you when you don’t trust me?”
Kiarra almost sounded like herself again. “Well, that’s where you’re wrong. I was planning on taking you out to scout information with me this morning. But if I think you’re mentally unfit to go out into the field, then I’ll have Millie stay with you while I go out alone.”
Millie hadn’t come back to the flat yet, but Kiarra didn’t need to know that.
Kiarra’s eyes widened. “You’ll take me out and let me help you?”
Jaxton raised an eyebrow. “Why would I say so otherwise?”
She searched his eyes and when she finally spoke, her tone was solemn. “I’ve never told anyone about what happened.”
“I’m not just anyone, you know.”
His deliberately arrogant tone worked, making Kiarra smile for a brief second before she took a deep breath and averted her gaze. “I sometimes dream about the day the AMT head warden found me guilty of seduction, and his resulting sentence.”
He held back his anger and kept his tone gentle. “Tell me about it, pet.”
There was a brief silence, but Jaxton’s patience was rewarded. “They restrained me to a table and whipped me.” She closed her eyes and Jaxton traced her jaw until she opened her eyes again. “All I remember was being scared, the overwhelming pain, and then the darkness.”
“Unconsciousness?”
Kiarra leaned forward and tucked her head against his chest before she shook her head. “For a time, but even when I woke, it was dark. I spent three months in solitary confinement.”
When she shivered, he sensed there was something more that she wasn’t telling him. Jaxton drew her closer against him and waited until she had settled before he said, “What happened during those three months?”
Kiarra started and pulled away so that she could look Jaxton in the face. “W-why would you think something happened?”
“Let’s just say that I’m fairly good at judging whether someone is hiding something from me or not.”
She scowled, and Jaxton knew she was once again becoming his version of Kiarra. “Is there anything you can’t do?” she asked.