“You can be. If you trust yourself.”
“I don’t. I don’t trust myself to make the simplest choice because I wanted to play it safe and be with Kevin and look where that got me! I chose wrong. I was so SURE about him, that he was someone I could always count on. I was so fucking wrong it makes me sick, Jack. What if I was that wrong about you? It would be a six thousand times worse because I actually—”
“You actually give a shit about me?”
“A little more crass than I would have put it, but yeah. I know that makes me sound so bad about Kevin because I respected him, I liked him, liked knowing he was around and I could call him. But it wasn’t like, well, like this where you call me and I’m afraid to answer because I’m sort of...under your spell. As stupid as that sounds. But when you call, I can’t stand not to answer even if I end up saying something completely idiotic like now. I lose all sense of self control around you, I swear.”
“Don’t blame me, I’m miles away,” he said softly.
“And I’m GLAD you’re so far away. Because that keeps me from falling back into bed with you and getting in deeper.”
“What’s wrong with deeper?” he asked in such a sultry voice that she got a flash of what she’d like to be doing to him right in that moment.
“Too dangerous.” She said, her voice high, strained.
“And what’s the matter with dangerous?”
“Because I want you too much already,” she confessed. “I really want to go to sleep now. I’m not panicking, I just...I have to get up for work.”
“Dream about me,” he said, his voice warm, honeyed.
Britt closed her eyes and imagined that song again, the sound of his breath, his music, and it was too deep and too dangerous to fathom at all.
Chapter 7
Britt was adding all the completed insurance paperwork to the database for submission to their new carrier. She had her earbuds in, cranking some vintage Timberlake, glancing fast between the papers and the screen as she pounded out the information. Marj came in and sat down her desk, right on top of an insurance form.
Britt popped out one earbud and looked at her.
“What?”
“Coffee break time. What’s up? You seem pissed.”
“I am pissed. You roped me into that date with Chris the Pretentious and he was appallingly rude.”
“Don’t blame me. I’m not his mom; I didn’t raise him to be a mannerless heathen. Also, last time I checked you’re equipped with free will. I encouraged it but I did not come to your apartment, array you in a slutty dress and carry you bodily to the restaurant. So take credit for your choices.”
“Fine. I went. I said I’d go and I went. And I was sorry.”
“Here, cheer yourself up.” Marj passed her phone to Britt.
“What is this?”
“Tinder. You swipe right to like, left to nope.”
“Nope? That’s not a verb, Marj.”
“Sure it is. Look at him. Nope him. He has weird facial hair.”
“That’s harsh. You can’t nope someone for a bad hair decision!”
“Sure I can. It’s my phone. Oooh, like him. Right swipe, woman, right swipe!”
Soon, Britt was caught up in the addictive nature of the swiping and had piled up several matches for her friend.
“Ooh, this one’s messaging you! What do I do?”
“Delete him. That’s a winky face. He sent a winky face emoji. There is no recovery from that. Into the trash with him.”