She wanted to experience it. She wanted to know what it was like to be surrounded by him. To feel his hands wander all over her naked body, his touch her between her legs, his mouth sucking on her nipples. The many years of neglect she’d endured from her husband made her yearn for something more. Made her want to be with a man who would devote his full attention to her, who wanted nothing more than to bring her pleasure.
“I’ve already made up my mind.” Her hazy, unwanted memories spurred her on. She knew what she wanted, and she wasn’t about to turn it away.
“You have??
? Again the lazy drawl, the lifted brow. Doubt laced his voice. He didn’t believe her. He thought her a coward, which irritated her almost beyond reason.
“Do you think I won’t go through with it?”
“I don’t know, Julia.” His deliberate use of her given name made her flinch. “Will you?”
“Are you challenging me?”
“Are you not looking for a challenge?”
She contemplated him, her frustration growing. She was fired up, ready to prove she was indeed more than willing to take this as far as she wanted.
“Did your husband satisfy your every wish? Your every need?”
Julia lifted her chin. “I don’t think that’s any of your business.”
“If you want to take me as your lover, I believe it’s every bit my business. Tell me.”
She turned her face away, embarrassed to discuss such a thing. “He was older and didn’t like to do much of anything. He was tired most of the time.”
“So he left you unsatisfied.”
“Sometimes.” All the time.
“Have you ever experienced a climax before?”
She swallowed hard. “Of course.”
“Ah, that’s a relief.” He nodded. “Do you know how to bring yourself pleasure?”
Her cheeks were so hot she thought they might burst into flame. “I don’t…do that very often.” She lied. She’d touched herself many times between her legs, imagining it was Garrett stroking her rather than her own furtive advances.
Those furtive moments struggling beneath the bedcovers had resulted in much frustration.
“A pity.” He smiled. “Can I admit it excites me, the thought of you touching yourself until you climax?”
She couldn’t believe they were having this conversation. Casual as they could be, secretly anticipating the evening ahead. Would he rush her inside and take her straight to her bedchamber? Or perhaps would he seduce her in the sitting room or the hall? Or would he be so eager that he would push her against the door the moment they entered the foyer and take her right there? Where the few servants she had might see them?
Julia frowned. She was embarking on an affair she might not be ready for. Bedingfield was a known rake. He had vast experience with many women to cull from, whereas she had almost none. Was she confident enough to believe she could please this man? Make him want her, need her, make love to her?
Maybe she was making a mistake. Bringing a man back into her life, no matter how brief, might not be the best move. It could make things infinitely more complicated. There was something to be said for a simple life. Lonely, yes, but she received some comfort from the familiar.
The unknown was dangerous. Scary. Risky. The idea of being with Bedingfield was mysterious, alluring, desirable.
It could be the biggest mistake of her life if she were to refuse him after all.
She craved a man’s touch. No, she craved this particular man’s touch. How he smiled at her, the banked heat in his eyes, the way he singled her out so she felt like the only woman in the room—it was intoxicating. He spoke to her, asked her questions and listened to her opinions. He laughed and joked with her and made her smile. She’d been attracted to him for so long, she couldn’t imagine being with anyone else. But would she be able to walk away when the brief affair was over and done with?
And it would be brief. It must be. She couldn’t allow her emotions to become involved.
It was messy enough as it was.
“I’ve embarrassed you,” he said softly. “Come here.”