“You want me in your life?” She could not believe this was happening. “And you want me to trust you? Are you kidding?”
“I’m definitely not kidding,” he answered, his expression calm, his gaze turbulent.
Taking a deep breath, she tried to calm her agitated nerves. “Fine. You want to be with me? How about you come with me and my dad to Aspen for the New Year?” She threw the offer out, not meaning it. She had no plans on spending it with her father, but she wanted to see what Nick would say.
Her dad would probably kill her for bringing Nick. And prior to this major confession, she hadn’t a clue there was any animosity between them.
How in the dark had she been these last few years?
Nick grimaced. “Hell no. I don’t want to ring in the New Year with Walter Cavanaugh.” He practically spit out her dad’s name.
“Right, because you’re with me out of some sort of twisted revenge, and you’re trying to get back at my father,” she threw back at him.
He ran a hand through his hair, sighing in defeat. “I’m not, Will. I swear to God. I want you. But not like this.”
Not like this. Meaning he wanted her to change or disown her father or…God. She had no idea what he wanted from her.
“You should go,” she said, dropping her gaze so she didn’t have to look at him any longer. It was painful, letting him go.
Again.
“You want me to leave.” His voice was flat, devoid of any emotion.
“Yes.” She nodded and chanced a glance at him, immediately wishing she hadn’t.
He looked upset. Angry. More than anything, he looked sad. Defeated.
“No matter what, I can’t win with you, huh?” He blew out a heavy breath. “I’m honest with you and you tell me to leave anyway.”
“Did you just hear yourself? Everything you said?” She refused to feel guilty for pushing him away. He deserved the push.
He asked for the push.
“I know it sounds bad but it’s not. I swear to God, darlin’. I care about you. I want you back in my life on a permanent basis.”
“You say you do, but then you go and admit the only reason we’re together in the first place is because you blackmailed me into going out on dates so you can get back at my father. And that’s all sorts of messed up, you know?”
“I never freaking said that. You put words in my mouth.”
“How can I trust you?” She let out a shuddery exhale. “Even if we did get back together, it’s always going to lurk in the dark corners of my mind that you’ll leave me.”
“You have zero faith in me, huh? I can’t ever get past what happened when I wasn’t even the one who wanted to break up. Your father threatened me. Told he he’d ruin my career, ruin my life. I was young and dumb and scared shitless.”
“Your career was worth more than me,” she whispered.
“Fuck yes, it was! I worked practically my entire life to make it into the NFL! My parents were counting on it. My friends were counting on it. My entire damn hometown was counting on it, and I didn’t want to fuck it up. I only just met you, Will. You were so beautiful and sweet and smart and every time I touched you, you responded like I was the best thing that ever happened to you. The only thing that ever happened to you. I—I was so fucking in love with you but I didn’t realize it then. I wanted you, but I couldn’t disappoint my family. I couldn’t let go of my dream.”
“Couldn’t let go of your dream for the girl you loved? I…I get it.” She did get it. Her heart cramped with his admission. He’d loved her. She’d loved him. They’d never said it to each other once. She would’ve killed to hear those w
ords drop from his too perfect, too sexy lips. She just did. But he’d said it in past tense.
He wasn’t in love with her now.
“That’s not fair—” he started but she cut him off.
“Life isn’t fair,” she countered.
“You’ll never let me back in, will you? I fucked up. And I can’t guarantee I won’t do it again but I swear to God, I’m a better man now that I have you back in my life. You’ve changed me. I know what I want.” His eyes softened. “And I want you.”