Emerson
The hardest thing about being a father is keeping track of your children in the mall. Dad never gave me a heads-up on that, no doubt because he was smart enough to avoid it by hiding out in his office or behind the pages of a book anytime we needed to go somewhere in a group. The man has exceptional survival instincts.
But since Barry just had a growth spurt and Langston needed a shirt and yet another new pair of shoes, I decided to get some holiday shopping done.
Because I haven’t punished myself enough in the last few days.
Turning on the street to our neighborhood does nothing to relieve the pressure in my head. Tanisha should be home soon, and I need to swallow my damn pride and talk things out with her.
After what happened at Thanksgiving dinner, I was angry. Humiliated by Rowena’s behavior. I’ve never wanted to hit a woman in my life, but when I saw the mark on Tanisha’s face and heard Barry crying? I came close.
I didn’t get the chance to defend my wife. And I didn’t have the first idea how to comfort Lang after what he’d heard. But Tanisha didn’t need my help for any of it. She defended me, humbled me and humored me in turn. I still don’t think I deserve her forgiveness.
She’s so much more than I expected. Having my father and brothers pull me aside to sing her praises only hammered that point into the ground.
“You need to do a better job at earning her, because we will pick her over you if it comes down to a vote.”
I was still rattled when we got home. I told her I would stay with the boys for a while and then…I went and slept in the guest room without her.
The next morning it was obvious she was uncertain about where we stood or if I was angry at her instead of the situation. But every time she tried to bring it up, I shut her down. There was too much going on in my head. I wasn’t ready.
The things Rowena said brought up all the old guilt. She wasn’t wrong. I think she loved me at first, but I was never able to return the favor. I tried to respect her. I was faithful. I provided a roof and welcomed her into my family, but I never gave her what she wanted.
It wasn’t fair to her.
Just like it wasn’t fair of me to let Tanisha think I only married her because of our agreement. But I let her leave that morning without talking it out.
While she was at the office, I got a call from my lawyer. He said my ex had decided not to go through with our court proceedings. That Rowena was willing to sign the new agreement giving me sole custody, and that this time she wouldn’t change her mind. He’d already sent my current wife and me a copy of her email in case we didn’t believe him.
A short time later, Tanisha texted me that she was spending the night at her friends’ apartment to catch up after their trip, but that there were leftovers for the boys in the fridge.
I didn’t feel like celebrating without her. Either what she said to Ro struck a chord, or the lawyers told her how unlikely it would be to win now that I have Tanisha on my side. Either way, my wife had done what she promised.
We hadn’t been together much more than a month and she’d already come through on her word. I wouldn’t lose my children for Christmas, and I hadn’t had to go through the Finn family of fixers to make it happen. I, meanwhile, was fucking things up royally, all on my own.
Last night the house felt so empty without her I couldn’t sleep. I even turned on one of those reality shows as a distraction, though the first one I clicked on didn’t do a damn thing for me. Watching some idiot trying to decide which woman he wants to give a rose to. Did he know anything about them other than their astrological sign and their measurements? Did he know if they’d be there through good times and bad? If they cared about anything other than themselves? What the hell kind of show was this? It should be called The Brothel.
I glance down at the red rose on the console between the car seats and my expression turns rueful. That’s another reason I went to the mall tonight. I wanted to find some way to show Tanisha that I’m sorry I let my pride get in the way again. That I should have held her every night and thanked her for the way she fought for the boys. For me.
When I stood in line for Barry to see Santa, I shared way too many details about my personal life with a helpful elf, and she told me a rose would be the only present my wife wouldn’t be able to resist. Either she was trying to shut me up, she was a fan of that stupid show, or it was a sign. But I took her at her word and hunted down a rose like a desperate idiot before we left the mall.
You are a desperate idiot.
Santa himself was an interesting experience for all of us. Barry immediately told the man he wanted a little sister. When the old whitebeard hemmed and hawed, my son got persistent. And loud.
“I don’t know who you are, but last year Langston talked to a different Santa, even though he pretended he was too old to want to. He asked for Tani and he got what he wanted. All I’m asking for is a tiny baby. It could be a boy, if that’s all you’ve got. Are you telling me you can’t do it?”
After I apologized and carried a grumbling Barry over to the commissary to get a soothing pretzel, Lang pulled me aside, looking worried.
“She’s not going to leave us now, is she?” Lang asked quietly.
Not if I have anything to say about it. “Why would you think that? And why is Barry saying you asked Santa for your stepmother?”
“Because I did, okay? Someone had to do it, and you didn’t look like you were in that big of a hurry. And I think she could leave because Mom slapped her and then you weren’t talking and then she went to spend the night with Uncle Joey.”
He’s too observant for my own good. “Are we already calling him Uncle Joey? You barely know him. It took you longer to warm up to Uncle Younger, and he actually married into the family.”
“Uncle Joey is with Uncle Flash, who’s going to teach me how to pitch for the majors. Also Tani loves him.”