I’m rubbing my temple while she smirks at me. I wasn’t ready to talk about that. I thought I was, but I wasn’t.
“I’m good,” I lie. “Keep talking.”
“People only say it’s special with women. Did you notice that?” she asks, warming up to her topic. “Historically a bride’s price was dependent on it. In the end, it’s just about a man selling a woman to another man, and promising the goods are intact. Or a woman being valued for being forced to avoid and hide from what a man is praised for doing early and often. It’s a huge double standard when you think about it.”
I offer her a faint smile “My sisters have similar feelings on the subject.”
“I knew I liked them.”
“I still think anytime we give some part of ourselves to another person, especially for the first time, it should be special,” I insist quietly. “But I understand what you’re saying and can agree there’s a double standard at play.”
Her shoulders relax. “Good. That’s settled then.”
“No, it’s not.”
“It’s not?”
I find myself staring at her lips again. They always look so soft and kissable. “If I agreed to this, I would want to share a bed. Sleep beside you every night and wake up next to you every morning. I don’t want to confuse the children or spend my nights resenting the fact that I didn’t buy a better bed for the guestroom.”
She licks those lips and I almost groan out loud. “Agreed.”
“Wait until I finish,” I warn her. “We may need to rush the marriage for the optics, but I will not agree to rush the wedding night. And as to a honeymoon, we should at least take a few days to get to know each other without the boys around. Just so we can get comfortable and convey a unified front for them and my family. I want you to be honest with me about what you’re feeling, and take all time you need to get comfortable with me touching you, in public and in private. If I take your hand at a family dinner, I don’t want you flinching in surprise.”
“Agreed,” she whispers.
“I told you to wait.” I snare her gaze and feel my blood racing hot through my veins. “No secrets. I see all of you and you see all of me. We talk if anything makes you uncomfortable. We don’t hide anything from each other.”
She takes a shaky breath, glancing down at the table momentarily before nodding her understanding. “And we don’t do anything until I’m comfortable?”
“That’s right.”
“Can I answer now?”
“Yes, Tanisha.”
“Then I agree.”
That easily? No hesitation or doubt?
She looks interested.
Maybe this is about more than a contract for her after all.
The food comes then, but I’m not sure I taste a bite of it. Her plate, too, is only half empty by the time I pay the check and we get up to leave.
She tried to pay, but I stopped her with a look.
“I might have a few addendums about Christmas presents,” I say as I watch her wrap her long red scarf over her shoulders and then walk her out to my car. “It’s important that the boys learn the value of a dollar. That they understand hard work and appreciate the little things.”
“That’s admirable.”
“It’s reality. We should have a budget beyond the prenup that we agree to when it comes to gifts and special events for the boys.”
She makes a face as if she doesn’t entirely agree, but when we get to the car, she holds out her hand. “I can work with that. As long as you let me haggle.”
Ignoring her hand, I lean in and take her mouth instead.
I hadn’t been planning to kiss her. I wanted to. I have since the first time I saw her face, but I wasn’t planning on it.