“Bubbles?” She sniffled, smelling orange blossoms again as they sank into the hot, fragrant water.
“You looked like you could use some.” Stephen pressed her head against his chest and she felt her muscles relaxing. She didn’t realize she was crying until he wiped her cheeks and pressed his lips into her hair. “I need you to be honest with me Natasha. Is this the drop you told me about, or did I hurt you?”
“You didn’t hurt me.”
“I scared you, then.” His voice was grim.
She didn’t lift her head. It was easier to talk to him like this. She was still a bundle of firing nerves. “You surprised me. I’ve known you…well, we’ve known each other a long time. This is new.”
He was different. She hadn’t been on solid ground since she agreed to this. It was disconcerting because she was used to anticipating how he was going to react and respond. Now she had no idea.
“It’s old,” he corrected. “The way I’ve been feeling—out of control. Emotional. Territorial. I haven’t been here in a long time. It was sealed along with my juvenile record because I didn’t like what it did to me and where it was taking me.”
“You’re not that boy. You haven’t been for a long time.” She put her hand over his heart, as if she could soothe him. “Enjoying the dominance aspect of kink isn’t a gateway back to criminal activity, Stephen. It can be intense, I know, but desire isn’t dangerous.”
“I’m not too sure. I know who I am now. I wanted to be like Seamus, but we’re twins in appearance only. He’s a truly balanced man—warm and full of passion for his children, but stable. Owen, too. If I woke up tomorrow and realized I was in love with one of my best friends? That I was in love with a man? I’m not sure I would handle it as well as he did. There was no great emotional conflict or resistance. I know people who’ve known they were gay all their lives and some of them still don’t handle it as well as my brother did.”
He had a point. “Owen’s always been a pragmatist.”
“You know what he said to me? ‘I just knew. I kissed him and I knew. It’s like turning on a light you can’t turn off again. And who wants to live in the dark anyway?’”
Tasha smiled. “He said that? That’s so romantic.”
“It was.” Stephen sighed. “Definitely took the wind out of any argument Seamus and I could have made on the subject. The point is they’re both pretty well balanced. Meanwhile, I went from one extreme to the other. From a street thug to class president. From reckless to…organized. I think that’s why I’ve been so worried about Jen. She takes after me.”
“That’s different. You knew what you wanted. She doesn’t. You made a decision to put aside anything that could distract you and focused on your goal. And you achieved it. You are a damn impressive man.”
His hand slid beneath the water and cupped her breast tenderly, as if he couldn’t help himself. “Thank you. And you’re right that I got exactly what I went after. But it’s occurred to me that how I went about it doesn’t reflect too well on my character. Anyone can find success on a path with no obstacles.”
Tasha lifted her head to glare at him in irritation. “Finn boy problems. I swear, sometimes I just want to put you all into one room and slap you until you get your heads out of your collective asses.”
Stephen blinked. “That’s a little harsh, Natasha Kathleen. And graphic.”
“Deal with it Stephen Michael, because I’m not through. You’ve led a charmed life. Great parents, great siblings, great career. The luck of the Irish, the Finn Factor, whatever Owen and Jeremy like to call it? You’ve got it. Only that’s not the whole story. Owen almost lost Jeremy because he forgot to mention he wanted more than sex from his insecure boyfriend. He just took it for granted. Seamus has white knight syndrome and a thing for wounded women, which has earned him a house full of children and so many responsibilities that he hasn’t had time for a single adventure of his own, or even a wild weekend that he could live to regret. We know what Jen’s going through, and after talking to Brady, it struck me that your father and uncle not speaking for over twenty years isn’t exactly healthy for the family dynamic. At least, not for Brady and his brothers.”
She took a breath and forged ahead. “You’re all wonderful but not one of you is perfect. Especially you. Yes you took away all your obstacles to achieve success, but you don’t seem happy. You’ve said your job is like quicksand, your house is too clean, your wallet is too organized and I don’t even think you own a pair of jeans anymore.”