“Finn’s saying hello.” He looked at her.
She smiled, turning her attention to Oscar. He was asleep, his little mouth nursing in his dreams. “I’ll let him sleep.” She carried him to the crib and laid him down, covering him with a blanket.
“How’s the scar?” he asked.
She sat in the rocking chair, ridiculously tired for someone who’d slept most of the day. “I’m fine. Sore, but fine.”
“I told Finn it probably wouldn’t have happened if he’d used a condom,” Hollis sighed.
A condom. She pressed her eyes shut. No condom. They’d been so lost in each other. She swallowed. “Wh-why?”
“I have a theory it’s biochemical,” Hollis said. “You and he mixed on a cellular level. I don’t think you’ll become a wolf—he didn’t bite you. But I do think the bond between you was forged because there was no…protection. May I ask a question?”
He didn’t think she’d become a wolf? Did that mean there was a chance? “I
think so,” she answered, reeling.
He smiled. “I’m a scientist, Jessa.” He leaned forward, steepling his fingers and resting his chin on his thumbs before he asked, “How did it feel? Being bonded? I think I can understand how Finn might feel, considering we’re all tied together. But you, as a…non-wolf.” He shook his head. “I’m very curious.”
“I’m not sure I can explain it adequately. It’s like I’m tangled up in him? His thoughts, memories—things I’ve never felt or heard or seen but are somehow now familiar. And…” She broke off. “I crave him. Even now, when I know he’s close, I miss him. Very much. It almost hurts.”
Hollis nodded. “The scar?”
She shook her head.
“Pain?” he asked.
She hesitated. “Doctor-patient confidentiality?”
He nodded.
“It was horrible.”
“Did it mimic his accident? The puncture?”
“I wasn’t there when it happened to him, so I don’t know, but it hurt like hell when it happened to me,” she said.
“I suspected as much. Sometimes sleep is the only way a body can process pain.” He looked at her, then. “Why did you agree?”
“I love him, maybe ever since I walked into his office. I’ve been drawn to him from the beginning. I belong to him.” It was true. “I never imagined he might care for me.”
Hollis laughed. “Care for you? We only have glimpses of what he’s feeling and thinking. But I assure you, what we’ve felt is beyond understanding.”
She liked the sound of that. She smiled, staring into the fire. “Can I ask you a question?”
He nodded.
“Does it bother you? That you can’t change?”
He shrugged. “I’ve never thought about it. I remember waiting, dreading it along with the others that first time. But seeing what they went through cured me of ever wanting to experience it. I like to be in control.”
“And when you’re a wolf, you’re not?” she asked.
“Not always,” he explained. “You’re driven by instinct. You’re an animal.”
An animal. “You’re not you?” she asked.
He shrugged. “Finn said it’s like being on steroids. His reaction is faster, stronger, less cautious. Instinct rules. He’s aware but not always able to stop the wolf from doing things he’d never do.”